We have a lifelong rivalry with the Yankees. We brawl every chance we get with the Rays. But lately, it’s the friggin’ Baltimore Orioles that are putting the hurt on us. The Red Sox had a chance to put some distance between them and the rest of the AL East. Instead, the division is as congested as Rt. 95 on a Friday afternoon. Christ, even the Blue Jays have won six in a row and are still in the mix.

One mystery was solved over the weekend: now we know why Lester was walking so many people. Because when he throws the ball over the plate, the batters hit it! I fear the results of a Red Sox team with Lester pitching the way he has been (0-4 with a 7.2 ERA over his last six starts).

Tomorrow, a double-header to kick off a three-game set with the Rays, then four against the Tigers. Keep the Maalox handy and the vodka handier.

Prior to the season, Red boldly predicted that John Lackey would win 20 games. I, on the hand, predicted that Lackey would somehow lose games he wasn’t even pitching in. Those not part of the lunatic fringe knew it would be somewhere in between. With Clay possibly headed for the DL and Lester unable to throw strikes (despite my telepathic encouragement of “throw it over the white thing”), Lackey may be the key to the 2013 season.

Lackey struggled early, but unlike previous seasons in that situation, he settled down, went seven strong, and earned his fourth win of the season. Lackey has given up three runs or less in nine of his eleven starts so far. He will face perhaps his toughest test thus far in Detroit next week.

Meanwhile, the Bruins just scored in OT to tie the series 1-1.

Just two nights after looking like they were pitching batting practice for the Rays, the quartet of Tazawa, Breslow, Uehara and Bailey shut down Tampa to preserve a 2-1 Red Sox win. The Fab Four combined for three innings of shut-out, no-hit baseball and struck out seven. Keep in mind, they were saving the W for Alfredo Aceves, so fear for the lives of their families acted as their motivation.

The offense could only muster five hits, but on of them was a two-run homer off the bat of Nava, scoring Ellsbury. Ells has an eleven game hit streak and is stealing bases like a cat burglar. A really fast cat burglar. The Sox have somehow become the American League wrecking machine, two-and-a-half games on top of the East and maintaining the best record in the AL.

Meanwhile, the Bruins are about to start overtime number three and I have drank myself sober but have been speaking in tongues since the end of regulation. There is beauty in alcohol.

Yeah, when I think “victory” I think of Michael Caine. Or not. Last night/this morning, there were plenty of heroes. Big Papi took the cape off for one game and graciously let the likes of Victorino, Salty and Morales play the role. An ugly win, but a huge win. These are the games we may look at in October and say “that’s when the 2013 Red Sox found their identity.”

John Lackey didn’t have his best stuff, but he gutted out five and two-thirds, and showed Matt Joyce he is not to be f**ked with. I never thought I’d write these words, but Lackster showed me something when he taught Joyce a little something about what not to do. It should come as a surprise to nobody that the benches cleared and that blistered anus named Luke Scott was in the middle of it.

At this point, I have no idea what I’m talking about. But the Sox got a big win and I got a late-night peek at the awesomeness of Jenny Dell. And I think I may have a crush on Salty. Don’t tell anyone.

Tie game. Bottom of the ninth. Who do you want at the plate? While Red is no doubt drafting an Ode to JD Drew, citing once again how the grand slam in the the 2007 World Series was the greatest play in history, I’ll take Big Papi. The latest victim to His Papiness was one Michael Kirkman.

A first-pitch, lead-off double to Gomes, an intentional walk to Pedroia, and one more pitch to end the game. Six pitches, three runs, one loss, thanks for playing.

The Red Sox are an astonishing 37-24 and showing no signs of slowing down. Tomorrow, Professor Doubront takes on the Angels and the Bruins look to sweep the Penguins. Happy Friday!

The Red Sox have a two game lead in the AL East. Tonight they start a three game series with the team looking up at them. Grab-ass time is over, it’s statement time. Beating up on the Phillies, a team whose mascot gets more cred than the players, doesn’t mean jack. They did what they were supposed to do against a crappy team.

As Izzy Mandelbaum said, it’s go time. Sabathia vs. Lester is as good as May baseball gets. No more pitchers waving bats around and double switches, it’s AL East rivalry time in the Bronx. Things you should not be surprised to see on this site at some point over the weekend:

• The Tek “glove sandwich”
• The Steal
• Zimmer rolling down the mound courtesy of Pedro
• A bloody sock
• Hot chicks spanking each other (check)
• Kevin Millar
• Red’s bare ass

So grab your jock, if you need one.

Phillies and Red Sox set to begin home and away four game series

By Dan Groob, TiqIQ

One of the features within the newly installed season-long interleague play schedule in Major League Baseball this season is a handful of four game series in which each of the alternate home field for two games apiece. On Monday, the Phillies and Red Sox began one such series.

The series opened at Fenway Park on Monday for the first two games. With the Phillies playing mediocre baseball all season long, and not viewed as a traditional rival in the eyes of Red Sox fans, demand is not all that high for this matchup. The return of Jonathan Papelbon isn’t something fans are willing to pay top dollar for either. According to TiqIQ, games one and two of the series at Fenway Park checked in with average ticket prices of $90 and $89 dollars respectively, and 22% below the $115 average price of Red Sox tickets this season. For each of these two games, tickets were (and are for tonight) available on the secondary market for as little as $17 dollars.

Ticket prices for the Fenway Park portion of this set are a far cry from where they sat for the last meeting in Beantown between these two teams. With secondary market tickets a whopping 44% below the Red Sox vs Phillies tickets from 2010, it’s safe to say that the draw power of these two clubs have changed markedly in the past three years, and fans are serving to exemplify that with their wallets.

When the two teams travel to Philadelphia for games three and four on Wednesday and Thursday, the ticket pricing landscape looks awfully similar. Wednesday’s contest is the less expensive of the two, carrying an average price of $79 dollars with a get in price of $14. Thursday checks in with an average price of $83 dollars, with tickets available for as little as $17. The Citizens Bank Park average ticket price of $81 dollars for this series is roughly 8% below the $88 average price for Phillies tickets at home this season.

While this year’s Red Sox @ Phillies tickets are just 2% below those of last year, when looking back just a few more seasons, it becomes obvious just how drastically the pricing power of these two teams has changed. Ticket prices for the Citizens Bank Park portion of this series carry a hefty 30% discount from just two seasons ago in 2011. But it is when looking back to the 2010 season that the change appears most extreme—this year’s two games in Philadelphia price a ridiculous 111% below the series between these two teams just three seasons ago.

This sucks. The team is playing well, they just had their most dramatic win of the season…and now mood is ruined by the abortion they call “inter-league play.” I have ranted about this every year, and I will continue to rant until they put an end to it. It sucks, there is no excitement, there is no rivalry. Oh wait, maybe they’ll wear old-time uniforms! And let’s have the Yanks play the Mets! And the two Chicago teams play each other and the two LA teams play each other…I’d rather let the games be decided by the sausage race.

Commish, we get the reason inter-league play was started, but that problem has been solved. For a long time. Let’s get back to the days of AL teams and NL teams only meeting in the All-Star Game and the World Series.

The Boston-Philly rivalry. Yes, it brings back memories of the war between Massachusetts and Pennsylvania. And those bitter gang wars of the sixties when the Boston Bandits and the Philly Phantoms made the streets run red with blood. And that famous chess tournament when Boston’s Mickey O’Sullivan castled just before putting Philly’s Gino Benedetto in checkmate with his bishop.

Meanwhile, the Red Sox play are about to open a series with their bitter rivals, the Philadelphia Phillies. Just baseball. Crappy inter-league baseball.

Okay, maybe some half-cocked allusion to a winning streak doesn’t really constitute a plan, I’ll take it. Five wins in a row is five wins in a row. Consider this: the next three games are against the White Sox. We’ve got Lester and Buchholz going in two out of the three games, with a little luck (and some big bats when Doubrant pitches tomorrow) and we could be talking about an eight game win streak on Thursday.

The Red Sox are now 27-17, pretty amazing considering Middlebrooks, Drew and Ellsbury are each hitting under two-fifty. The kick-assery this team has been displaying is very impressive, leaving me very impressed…and stuff. Tonight, I’m hoping the Red Sox jump ugly on Dylan Axelrod and just let Lester feel the groove. A big lead also insure some quality Remy-DO blowout shenanigans.

First pitch at 8:05…why aren’t you drinking yet?

The mystery of the 2013 Red Sox continues. April powers turned to May downers, but the last three games have shown some real gritty play. Whoever they end up being, they are playing with heart, staying in contention, and keeping us entertained. We’ll take it.

Tonight, the Dempster takes hill looking to make it four wins in a row. To be fair, the Twins suck and losing should not be an option, not to a team in last place in a very mediocre division. The Sox have done it with very inconsistent play and one can only hope that if they get it going on all cylinders (like the Ellsbury cylinder, to name one), they could be dangerous.

A win today, a miracle tomorrow with Red’s boy Lackey, and the Sox head to Chi-Town with a 5-game win streak to face another crappy AL Central team in the White Sox. Could happen.