Surviving Grady

Youk Sighted in Fort Myers

2010-02-09T10:28:00.004-05:00

Dan Roche tweeted something about Youk, Manny D and a few more Sox players working out at the team's Fort Myers complex. All I know is, every day brings us closer to your birthday, Christmas and free hula hoop night at the homeless shelter, all rolled into one.

Amazingly, I've never made the trek down to Spring Training, although it's on my bucket list, along with getting an actual tan and nailing Rita Moreno.

One Step Closer To Baseball

2010-02-08T13:37:00.002-05:00

Now that the Superbowl is over, there is one less distraction to keep us from our beloved game. I believe a certain truck heads south on I-95 this Friday to "officially" kick off baseball season...at least for us fanatics. So let's have the final word, at least on this site, on football.

The Game: The game was OK as far as entertainment goes. There were two big plays: the on-side kick and the interception returned for a touchdown to effectively seal the win. But I was expecting a lot of big plays from both offenses, but it just didn't happen.

The Outcome: I love the way it played out. Not because I'm a Colts-hater, but the fact that they threw away "the perfect season" for what they thought would be an automatic Superbowl win...feels like justice. Now the Pats can't be criticized for running out of gas in 2007 chasing the perfect season. And it keeps Brady miles ahead in the Manning vs. Brady debate.

Halftime: I have to admit; this was a shocker. I thought The Who put on one of the best halftime shows I can remember. The song selection was perfect, they kept the screaming "fans" away from the stage, and for a couple of 65-year-old guys: they rocked.

The Commercials: Probably the biggest disappointment. A couple of winners from the Doritos team and I love the e-Trade baby, but not much else to speak of. Coke and Bud spent a lot of advertising money for some really crappy commercials. I did like the Letterman/Leno spot...props for that. But too many guys running around pantless and too many "Me a guy, me like big trucks and fast cars" spots for me.

Truck Day is Friday...

Cut That Meat!

2010-02-07T10:17:00.002-05:00

Tonight is the night. The biggest game in sports. The most creative and expensive commercials. The entertainment spectacle of the year at halftime. OK, that's going a little overboard, but you get the drift. Saints versus Colts should be a good game even if you don't really care who wins. I don't. The win would be great for New Orleans (the city) but if the Colts win...eh.

I think it's pretty well documented that I'm the biggest mush out there. I make a prediction, it goes horribly wrong. I root for a team, they get humiliated. I pick up a guy for my fantasy team, he breaks his coccyx the next day. But none of that will stop me.

I like the Saints in this game IF they can pressure Manning the way they harassed Favre. If they get to him early, even if it means taking a couple of late hit or roughing the QB penalties, they have a shot. If Manning has time to play his game, the Saints are screwed.

All I'm really rooting for is for the score at the end of one of the quarters to end in 4's so I win on my square.

Jermaine, Tito, Michael and a Marlin

2010-02-06T07:57:00.009-05:00

The folks at NESN recently pointed out that Jermaine Dye, whom the Sox coveted back in 2007, would be a nice addition to the 2010 bench, especially considering his numbers against lefties last season: .292 AVG/.382 OBP/.508 SLG.

My interest in Dye, however, runs a bit deeper. Because landing Dye would push us just a little bit closer to my dream of having all of the names of the Jackson Five represented in the clubhouse.

Instantly, we'd have a Jermaine to add to our existing Tito (yes, a nickname, but still) and a couple of Michaels. We've also got a "Boof" who would represent, of course, the lesser-known Jackson brother Boof Jackson, who relocated to Germany on his twenty-first birthday and whose lone single, "Breakfast On Your Ass," failed to chart. We'd still need a Marlon and a Jackie, but, technically, Papelbon or Lester could fill the latter while "DeMarlo" is close enough to Marlon for me. Hell, we could get cute and say that in Josh Beckett, we've got our "Marlin." And I think he'd find the humor in that as he beat my ass senseless with a nine iron.

Look, any player who can provide an able bat off the bench and worthy platoonage is okay in my book. If the guy also shares a name with one of the Jackson Five? Well, then it's a no-brainer.

The Friday iPod Shuffle

2010-02-05T17:02:00.004-05:00

It's after 5:00 on Friday, time to flip your boss off for the last time (behind his/her back, of course) and go get your drink on. As I slide down the dinosaur's tail, here's what I'll be listening to:

Mr. Jones, Counting Crows: Great Friday kinda song. Also the subject of much debate over what the song is about. Opinions range from it being about Bob Dylan ("I wanna be Bob Dylan") to, oddly enough, Adam Duritz's penis. According to Adam, he wrote it about a friend of his, Marty Jones. Whatever the real meaning, it's a great song.

Say Goodbye, Triumph: The best 3-man band to come out of Canada. Sorry Rush.

Ode To Billy Joe, Tom Scott and the L.A. Express: Originally done by Bobbie Gentry. A great "story" song. I like this version because the sax kicks ass.

Hurricane, Bob Dylan: Who was better at storytelling than Mr. Dylan. As much as I like the song for what it is, I just think it makes Dylan a complete badass for writing and performing a racially motivated song in the mid-seventies. Pretty ballsy.

Romeo and Juliet, Dire Straits: I'm a huge Dire Straits/Mark Knopfler fan, and this song is as good as any the band done.

Use Somebody, Kings of Leon: Just to prove I actually listen to songs put out in the last 10 years? No, Kings of Leon are just that good.

Johnny 99, Bruce Sprinsteen: Live version, of course. Unless you've seen him perform it live you'll never appreciate it.

Till It Shines, Bob Seger: Not one of his songs you'll hear on the radio, but probably one of his best. Stranger in Town would be a greatest hits album for most people. Just another day at the office for Bob, and he looks like Jesus in a leather jacket on the cover, which is pretty cool.

More Than A Feeling, Boston: Far and away my favorite Boston jam. And Brad Delp will hold the title for "Most Creative Suicide" for a long time after that whole charcoal-grill-in-the-bathroom thing.

What Does It Take (To Win Your Love), Junior Walker and the All Stars: Great sax, end of story.

Life In A Northern Town, Sugarland: Originally done by The Dream Academy (that version also on my iPod). Give it a listen, just a good tune.

You, Collective Soul: A lot of good Collective Soul stuff out there that nobody has ever heard. This is actually on their new self-titled album.

There you have it, a dozen songs that will take me part of the long commute home. Hard to believe with all the Springsteen, Jackson Browne and John Mellencamp I have that no more popped up. I am relieved none of the John Denver or Fergie songs came on, 'cause that might have been embarrassing.

In Case You Had Any Doubts That Dustin Pedroia is Unquestionably Awesome

2010-02-05T00:10:00.000-05:00

This video, from the good folks at WEEI.com, has made the rounds. But we wanted to post it here for a couple reasons:

1) As a joyous reminder that the 2010 season draws closer every second,

2) and because the spectacle of Dustin Pedroia pumping iron is something that needs to be seen, repeatedly, by every living being.

After watching that, I'm kinda curious as to why The Elf isn't subjected to the same age questions that dog Domincan players and Cuban defectors. Sometimes I'd swear the dude's about 46 years old.

We Could Use a Bat. Manny's Looking for DH Gig. You Don't Suppose...?

2010-02-04T12:27:00.000-05:00

According to NESN, Manny was toying with the idea of leaving LaLa Land for a knee-preserving role as a DH with an American League club in 2010. Of course, after weighing his options, he opted to stay with the Dodgers.

But just to think about it for a moment, I would have gladly welcomed Manny back as full-time DH, supplanting Ortiz in the line-up.

I can't possibly be the only one. Can I?

An Earnest Appeal for No More Adrian Gonzalez Updates

2010-02-04T02:30:00.003-05:00

Look, I was finally reaching the acceptance stage. Finally understanding that the chances of seeing Adrian Gonzalez in a Red Sox uniform anytime before the All Star break -- if ever at all -- were slimmer than Daryl Irvine.

But now, just as I was putting the finishing touches on my set of custom-made Adrian Beltre action figures (with free-flow testicles!), the background noise is starting up again. Just yesterday, our friends at NESN informed us that A-Gon's agent is already charging up his calculator, stating that the Padres probably won't be able to afford the hill of greenbacks he's looking for.

Even Padres CEO Jeff Moorad chimed in, echoing the agent's statement: “While I’d be thrilled to have him part of the organization for the long term, the early signals indicate his cost will be greater than our ability to pay.” (Something my boss has said about me several times. In the confines of my own mind.)

Honestly, I don't see this sort of agent-speak changing anything. Gonzo is cheap, outlandishly talented and one of the few things putting asses in seats at Petco, unless you count "Watch the Game from Henry Winkler's Lap" night. So until he's spotted shopping for condos in Chestnut Hill, I'm officially tuning out any more status updates for the entire 2010 season.

Unless, of course, they involve his wife.

Not Just a Neil Sedaka/Elton John Song

2010-02-03T19:41:00.000-05:00

We don't offer a lot of literary critique around here (unless we're pimping our own book, of course), but this is a must read. I can't believe it hasn't been made into a movie yet. It is the true story of the killing of Officer Bruce McKay by Liko Kenney at a traffic stop, and Kenny's murder at the hands of passer-by Greg Floyd. As you read the history between Kenney and McKay, it is hard to believe nobody saw this ending coming.

A lot of the story can be found on YouTube, courtesy of the dashboard cam on McKay's police vehicle - just search for any of the names mentioned above. Truly fascinating (though pretty grisly) stuff right in our own backyard. The area is still in turmoil almost three years later, debating the merits of the three men involved and how the aftermath was handled.

Check it out...or wait for the movie that has to be in the works.

1986 Red Sox Yearbook Predicts the Future!

2010-02-03T06:44:00.004-05:00

Thumbing through an old copy of the Sox' 1986 yearbook and I had to pause when checking out Roger Clemens' entry. Because the listing of his hobbies includes the most unfortunate line-break that I've ever seen:

Seems eerily poignant today, considering Rocket's troubles with underage country singers. Also, please note "Divorce Court" among his favorite TV shows.

I would have expected better things from a Lisa Hartman fan.

A Day in the Life of Jason Varitek

2010-02-02T15:10:00.000-05:00

It's no secret around this neighborhood that I have always thought that Tek might be...playing for the other team. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

After seeing the NESN.com clip showing Jason and Leslie Eddins (his "trainer") going through a daily workout, I have to believe he is doing more than cooking breakfast for Tek.

You make the call...

Millarapalooza

2010-02-02T08:38:00.000-05:00

I've never been shy about my unrelenting manlove for Kevin Millar, and I cling tenaciously to my dream that the guy will eventually return to Boston as a NESN talking head, base coach or Yawkey Way sausage vendor (and not in the Julian Tavarez sense, mind you).

That won't be happening anytime soon, however, because the dude apparently still has some baseball to play. El Bencho just signed a minor league deal with the Cubs, AKA your second-favorite baseball team.

To celebrate Millar's new gig and wish him well as he competes for a spot, I decided to re-run what may well be the single greatest bit of Millarphenalia I've ever written, waaaaay back in 2005. Enjoy.

* * * * * * * *

Great Literature Made Better By Adding Kevin Millar

The Great Gatsby
Chapter Four

Nick Carraway: So, Gatsby, I hear you're from the Midwest.

Gatsby: That's right.

Nick: Whereabouts?

Gatsby: San Francisco.

Nick: I see...

Millar: San Fran? Did you get out to SBC much?

Gatsby: Er... who are you?

Millar [extending hand]: Kevin Millar. First base. World Champion Boston Red Sox. And this is one hell of a party, Mr. Gaston.

Gatsby: Gatsby.

Millar: Whatever. [shakes empty beer bottle] Any more of these? I've gone dry here.

Gatsby: [Looks around nervously] I'm... not sure.

Millar: [produces small cooler] S'alright. I always bring my own, actually. Along with a couple meat sandwiches. So give me the lowdown on these chicks. What's up with legs over there?

Gatsby: Eh... that's Jordan Baker. The golfer.

Millar: Hot damn. I'd let her handle my nine iron. Not a euphemism, by the way.

Gatsby: I really should mill around a bit, I--

Millar: Can you put in a word for me? Tell her I'm into puppies, Beethoven and threesomes. Oh, and that I once ate a bookcase to win a bet. Chicks seem to like that story.

Gatsby: Look, chap, who exactly invited you here?

Millar: You did.

Gatsby: But I don't even know you.

Millar: Aw hell, I'm totally lyin'. I heard the music and just kinda crawled in through the bathroom window.

Gatsby: You should probably leave, then.

Millar: Will do. Oh, and I dipped my balls in the punch. Just so you know.

* * * * * *

The Red Badge of Courage
by Stephen Crane

Lieutenant: Soldiers, I won't lie to you. There's been a lot of ill talk. They say the men of the 304th fight like mule drivers. So I've got a plan to reestablish ourselves as credible soldiers. First, we'll charge the hill. Then--

Millar: Okay, hold on a sec. I've got a plan, too.

Lieutenant: What the? I'm giving orders.

Millar: Now, I like your deal with the hill charging and all that, but I was thinking. What if some of us stayed behind and kinda, y'know, rocked out?

Lieutenant: "Rocked out"?

Millar: [gets up, starts dancing, flailing arms madly] You know... dook dook dook.

Lieutenant: [cocks gun].

* * * * * *

The Odyssey
by Homer

Odysseus: Tomorrow, we set sail for Crete, to engage the Minotaur!

Millar: The Mino-what?

Odysseus: The half-man, half-bull beast that has terrorized my homeland.

Millar: Half-man, half-bull?

Odysseus: With large, deadly horns and pointed hooves.

Millar: Deadly horns? Hooves? Aw, f--k that noise, man. Wake me when ya get back.

Odysseus: But... you're a part of this crew.

Millar: Look, I went in on that cyclops deal and almost got my ass chewed off. Call your buddy Zeus and tell him to wave his arms and zap the motherf--ker. I got no time for it.

Odysseus: You disappoint me, oh blonde one.

Millar: That's life, buddy. [Grabs The Sporting News.] I'll be in the can.

More Than A Valentine

2010-02-01T20:16:00.003-05:00

Here at SG Nation headquarters, we get all kinds of requests. Fans asking for Red's worn socks, requests for us to appear at Royal Order of the Golden Rooster annual picnic, and an offer for me to be the "before" guy in a Bulk-Up-Muscle commercial. But some of them we have to take seriously, and what follows is one of the ones that matters. Do what you can, you always do...

As many of you know, my cousin Jeneen lost her son, Isaias, just days shy of his 10th birthday to Acute Myeloid Leukemia. On September 13th, I walked in the Jimmy Fund Walk in honor of Isaias and Jeneen. Thanks to all of you that donated to my walk efforts, I was able to raise $1,645.00. I thank you for making that possible. After finishing the event, I decided that I wanted to do more to help fight the battle of cancers, so mothers like Jeneen would never have to live through what she lives through.

With the assistance of my friend, Aileen, we put together Project Cupid’s 1st Annual Charity Date Auction to benefit Dana Farber Cancer Institute and the Jimmy Fund, which will take place on February 5th at Red Sky Lounge and Restaurant in Boston. In addition to the charity date auction, there will be an opportunity drawing, a live disc jockey and much more fun to be had for a great cause.

I would love to see each and every one of you at our event, but I realize that's impossible for some of you. After all the kind words of encouragement you have all given me, I knew that many of you were hungry to help our cause and want to see it succeed. If you have the ability, you may donate any amount to the Dana-Farber Cancer institute by sending a check, money order or cash to Amy Blue C/O Project Cupid, 96 Washington Street, #24, Brighton, MA 02135. No matter how much you can give, I and everyone involved with Project Cupid appreciate your continued generosity.

If you have any questions, contact me on Facebook or by emailing me at projectcupid2010@gmail.com.

Love,

Amy

Before Don and Jerry There Was... Mike and Kent?

2010-02-01T07:58:00.001-05:00

This weekend, I stumbled upon another batch of old Red Sox year books and scorecards that my dad had bought back in the day, from the 60s up to the early 90s. So the better part of my last 48 hours was spent pouring over the articles (at least 7 dedicated to Fergie Jenkins), photos and especially the advertisements, which really deserve some sort of retrospective volume of their own (in fact, one can track the complete evolution of TVs and other home entertainment products of the 20th century by reading the scorecard ads alone.)

One bit that caught my eye was an announcement in a 1984 scorebook magazine touting "a new network and a new broadcasting team" that would keep "cable TV watchers close to the Red Sox action this season." The network, of course, was NESN. And the Red Sox play-by-play team was... Kent Derdivanis and former Sox second baseman and current Jimmy Fund capo Mike Andrews.

My family didn't have NESN back in those glory days -- in fact, I don't think it was available in our neck of West Roxbury until around 1988, when the Remdawg was already in place -- so I missed the Derdivanis era. Not that I'm alone; it lasted just one season, as Kent and Mike were replaced by Ned Martin and Gentleman Bob Montgomery, who were calling the games on TV-38 (free to the masses, I might add).

I was able to dig up an old post from Patsfans.com which tracked down Derdivanis in 2006 to get his take on NESN's fledgling years:

Derdivanis fondly remembers his season at Fenway. He states, "It was Roger Clemens' first year with the team. We had Oil Can Boyd and Dwight Evans. I pretty much had an idea going in that baseball is a religion in New England. The fans are vocal, but also knowledgeable. They didn't have the consistent sellouts that the Red Sox have now, but I will always treasure that cramped clubhouse."

I suppose there's no greater testament to what Jerry and DO bring to the games than how difficult it is to imagine anyone else in the NESN booth. It just makes me hungrier for their imminent return...

The Return of Joba to the Yankee Rotation?

2010-01-31T13:08:00.003-05:00

The New York Post is reporting that "Joba Chamberlain's eyes are set squarely on the fifth spot in the Yankees' rotation."

I don't know about you, but that doesn't exactly strike fear in my Red Sox heart. In fact, as powerful as the Yankee line-up is, their pitching doesn't really impress me at all:

Hughes is Chamberlain's primary competition for the final spot in the Yankees' rotation behind CC Sabathia, A.J. Burnett, Andy Pettitte and Javier Vazquez.

Hughes pitched effectively from the bullpen last year, mostly in a setup role for Mariano Rivera, and Chamberlain had a shaky season as a starter, finishing 9-6 with a 4.75 ERA as he faced an innings limit toward the end of the season. Chamberlain spent the postseason in the bullpen, leading to speculation he and Hughes, who struggled most notably in the ALCS and World Series, might trade places in 2010. That could still happen, as Hughes is expected to receive a long look for the rotation.

I'll take Beckett, Lester, Dice-K, Lackey, Buchholz and/or Wakefield any day. Starting April 4th...

Asking "Should Johnny Damon Wear a Sox Cap in the Hall of Fame?" is Like Asking "Should Jackie Chan Wear a Tux to Collect His Best Actor Oscar?"

2010-01-30T07:34:00.006-05:00

Because neither of them, you see, have much of a chance of ever happening.

At least not in any world I want to be a part of.

What's So Funny 'Bout Peace, Love and Signing Josh Beckett Through 2015?

2010-01-29T07:08:00.006-05:00

Remember that thing nerds like me used to say about the Star Trek films? How the even numbered ones were great and the odd numbers were rubbish? There's an almost similar, see-saw effect in Josh Beckett's career with the Red Sox. When he first came to us in 2006, he went a rather unremarkable 16-11, prompting many of us to wonder if his body was somehow hijacked by Danny Darwin. The following year, he was all shotguns and lightning, going 20-7 and almost untouchable in the postseason. He followed that up in 2008 with another swoon: 12-10 with a 4.03 ERA. But he bounced back last season, going 17-6 and punching out an escaped yak on Comm. Ave (never proven, but I'm convinced it happened).

So, if you buy into the Star Trek analogy (and I'm not sure Theo would, as he always seemed more of a Space:1999 guy to me) and its up-and-down trending, 2010 looks set to be another tough year for Josh. But there are a number of reasons to believe this could be one of Beckett's most dominating seasons in a Boston uniform:

First and foremost, it's a contract year, and he wants to get paid. So every W, every K, every time he smacks Jorge Posada in the nuts with some inside heat will be like money in the bank. And nothing motivates a guy like the thought of bags of cash, unless it's bags of cash in a convertible driven by Jessica Alba and Mila Kunis. Also, having fellow Texan and John Lackey in the fold will no doubt keep the fires of anger stoked in Young Josh. In fact, I can imagine the two of them adopting a pre-game psych-up of punching themselves repeatedly in the nuts. They just seem like those kind of fellas.

If he can put up numbers more like 2007 Josh than 2006 Josh, and when you consider the type of dollars being thrown at starting pitchers like Sabathia and -- god help us -- Barry Zito, then there's no way Commander Kick Ass doesn't make a run to become one of the highest paid pitchers -- if not the highest paid pitcher -- in baseball. Hell, even if he throws up some 2008 numbers, he'll still command more cash for his next contract than the gross-national product of Mongolia.

The question is, will the Red Sox pay? Remember, we gave him his first contract extension back in 2006, when he was pitching like a guy who got bit by a radioactive Pat Rapp. At the time, Theo said he thought the Commander's best days were ahead of him. Can that still be said in 2011, and would the Sox want to get tangled up in Beckett through, say, 2015, even with four strong, non-Beckett arms already in the fold in Lackey, Matsuzaka, Lester and Buchholz, and a lot of promising young pitching talent on the rise?

It's an interesting question. One that will become even more interesting if Beckett goes on an ungodly campaign of terror in 2010, turning opposing batters to powder and re-establishing himself as the uncontested ace of the Red Sox staff.

Myself, I'd be more than happy to keep Commander Kick Ass in Boston. But it ain't my money.

Failed Children's Red Sox Book Titles

2010-01-28T16:17:00.001-05:00

We love kid’s books. We love the Red Sox. But that doesn’t mean that these two great tastes will taste great together. Submitted for your approval, a list of titles of proposed Sox-themed children’s books that didn’t quite make it to a bookshelf near you.

“Julio Lugo: Five Tool Playa”

“Youk’s Jockstrap Attacks!”

"Hop on Pop! And Don't Be Afraid To Wear Your Steel-Toes, Because You Know That Old Bastard's a Yankees Fan"

“Terry Francona and the Magical Yet Terribly Invasive Medical Procedure”

“Dustin Pedroia: Whiskey Drinkin’ Paperboy”

“DeMarlo Hale Rides a Bike, Short-Changes a Hooker”

"Cloudy With a Chance of Bambi Going Down in a Hail of Buckshot: A Kid's Hunting Primer by Mike Timlin"

“Tim Wakefield, Sean Casey, Bill Mueller and the Legion of Super Nice Guys vs. Hitler, Satan and Eddie Van Halen”

“Can’t Tie My Testes Down: The Adrian Beltre Songbook”

"Carl Everett's Book About Dinosaurs and Other Things White People Made Up"

“Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Missing Milkman, Postman, Electrician, and Several Other Folks Who Recently Pissed Off Josh Beckett”

"Oil Can Boyd, Would You Please Return Your Adult-Themed Videos Now!"

"Boof and Woof: A Pitcher, His Dog, and their Questionable Living Arrangement"

"Green Eggs and Ham and Finnish Porn and Whiskey and Three Unregistered Handguns and Other Things Found in Jonathan Papelbon's Locker"

"Are You There, God? It's Me, Leskanic."

"Show Us On The Doll Where Julian Tavarez Touched You"

Did we miss any? Put 'em in the comments.

EDIT: Not that we don't mourn for JD Salinger, but I pushed this post back to the front to keep the witty mood alive.

Pencey Prep Mourns...

2010-01-28T15:28:00.003-05:00

The creator of Holden Caulfield (J.D. Salinger for those of you who have just returned to earth after a 59-year inter-stellar vacation) will not be down for dinner. Salinger passed away in his New Hampshire home at the age of 91, spending the last several decades as a recluse.

If you aren't familiar with Holden, you should be:

Salinger's only novel, The Catcher in the Rye, was published in 1951 and gradually achieved a status that made him cringe. For decades that book was a universal rite of passage for adolescents, the manifesto of disenchanted youth. (Sometimes lethally disenchanted: After he killed John Lennon in 1980, Mark David Chapman said he had done it "to promote the reading" of Salinger's book. Roughly a year later, when he headed out to shoot President Ronald Reagan, John Hinckley Jr. left behind a copy of the book in his hotel room.) But what matters is that even for the millions of people who weren't crazy, Holden Caulfield, Salinger's petulant, yearning (and arguably manic-depressive) young hero was the original angry young man. That he was also a sensitive soul in a cynic's armor only made him more irresistible.

Salinger was rumored to have continued writing throughout his entire life, even earmarking certain works for publication after his death. I'm sure we will hear lots more about this in the days to come.

Tim Wakefield Deserves a Starting Role, Loose Women and Free Beer for Life. In My Opinion, Anyway.

2010-01-27T18:21:00.006-05:00

So in 2010, we'll have Lackey, Beckett, Lester, Matsu and Buchholz. A pretty solid five-man rotation. But where's Shakey Wakey, the guy who represents everything that's right and good in the world of sports and pitched well enough to make the All Star team last year, at the tender age of 65. Wake himself thinks he deserves a starting spot, and I'll be damned if I don't agree with him:

"It seems every year, and I don’t know why, my name gets brought up like this when I don’t feel I need to prove myself every day. I don’t know where the rumors are coming from, but I try not to pay attention. Hopefully, they respect me enough to give me the ball when we get to spring training as a member of this rotation. I think I’ve earned the right to be a full-time starter and go from there. I know my role, and I know what my approach is going to be when I get to spring training: be a starter and help us win the World Series.”

As much as I hate to hear players talk about how they've "earned the right" to anything, I make special exception for Wakefield. He's the heart and soul of the team, our elder statesman, and the only guy on the roster who can wax rhapsodic about the Lee Tinsley era. He was there, man, and we can't ever forget it. Plus, there's a good chance he'll still be pitching long after talking apes have taken over.

We can never quite be sure what we're gonna get from Matsuzaka, and Buchholz may still be trade bait. Why not start the season with a six-man rotation to see what Timmeh's got in the tank. Crazy, perhaps. But I get a little silly when it comes to Wakefield.

What say you?

Vote Now: Most Annoying Furniture Hawker

2010-01-27T00:10:00.004-05:00

You can't have a television turned on for five minutes without someone trying to sell you something. Beer, soda, pick-up trucks, sex...take your pick. Thanks to DVR we can fast-forward through a lot of it, but during sports, it's either have a back-up program ready and hit the "last" button on your remote or simply endure. Inevitably, one of our "contestants" below will make an appearance (or a hundred), usually sprawled on a couch or mattress or doing something not really furniture-related that borders on creepy. So out of the "big three" headboard tycoons, who do you love? But more important, who makes you want to embark on a multi-state killing spree?

Bernie and Phyl. One of the first discount furniture teams to build an empire. Their commercials were always uncomfortable in a way I could never put my finger on, then they started introducing the whole family and it just got weirder. To this day I don't know which is Bernie and which is Phyl.
Not to be confused with Jordan Marsh. Main Street to Moody Street. Left on Spitbrook, right on Daniel Webster. Barry and Elliot took it to a new level (although I believe Elliot is flying solo these days): from a single store in Waltham to an enterprise that has everything from amusement park rides to IMAX theaters to trapezes. And folks like Red scored free furniture when the Sox swept the World Series...not a bad deal.

The latest big thing on the furniture store scene is uber-geek "Bob" of Bob's furniture. The dorky "I'm one of you guys" look with the jeans and the grating voice should have made his career last about as long as Blaine Neal's. Yet everywhere you turn, Bob is there. Anyone else get the feeling he's personally tested his "goof proof" guarantee?

I'll start this party with a vote for Bernie and Phyl. I still blame them for Tim Wakefield's bad season in '06 after appearing in a few commercials with them.

Hey I Heard Ya Missed Us We're Back

2010-01-26T18:01:00.002-05:00

Well, not quite yet. But in just thirty-six days.

And not a bloody moment too soon, says I.

My Last Word on Jason Bay. For Now.

2010-01-26T08:35:00.000-05:00

Although it makes for intriguing winter banter, I could care less about whether or not Jason Bay really needed the knee surgery he claims the Sox were pushing on him. The guy's gone, and the only time he'll cross our paths again is if the Sox meet the Mets in the 2010 World Series. Or if an alien entity transports every Red Sox player from the past ten years to a distant planet where they must engage in various contests against a team of supernatural beings, which is far more likely than that World Series thing. Between worrying about Papi's bat, John Lackey's health and Heidi Watney's deposition (long story), I'll have enough to keep my mind busy come April, thanks.

I will say, however, that if some buzzpunk band called "Jason Bay's Knees" doesn't appear on the scene by next summer, I'll be somewhat disappointed.

Will He Go Away Now?

2010-01-26T00:05:00.002-05:00

The game ended the way it had to: with Brett Favre making a bad decision and throwing a game-losing interception. Granted, he'd been getting his ass kicked for the entire game, but all he had to do was tuck the ball away and limp a few yards. Let Longwell be the hero. But no, he couldn't do it. He had to be the gunslinger, and it cost the Vikings a trip to Miami.

Favre was...fill in the blank...heroic, a gamer, a warrior. The Saints clearly had a plan to brutalize the QB even at the cost of a few penalties, and it worked. And it might just work against Manning as well. But it almost didn't work. Favre just kept getting up. And the game was there for Brett until he literally threw it away. Now we sit and wait for the Vegas odds-makers to set the line on whether Favre will retire or not. Again.

Favre's comments after the game just made him look silly. Instead of taking accountability, he babbled some nonsense about not knowing how far he had to get to give Longwell a chance. Really? Isn't that your job to know exactly where you are and where you need to get to? I put the video up not because I think Favre is particularly funny with his little song, but just because I like hearing him say "I choked."

Schilling's Tweet Sparks Sox Twittergate

2010-01-25T06:40:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, Curt tweeted something that was interpreted (at least by the Herald) as a hint at a comeback.

Turns out, it wasn't. But it got us scouring tweets from Sox players current and past to seek out hidden meanings and "coded messages." Here's some of what we found:

@Kevin_Youkilis: "Hilltop officially out of steak fries. Preparing to go punch out head chef."

@TerryFrancona: "Had that dream again where Julian Tavarez, dressed as a pilgrim, chases me through the woods. Might be time to cut back on the pre-bedtime Bigelow."

@CapnCarlYastrzemski: "Back in the day, Teddy and I would greet rookies with a swift cock-punch and a box of shoes for shining. That's how things worked."

@TimmehWakefield: "Just made three-thousandth run to Haiti in my pick-up to transport food to survivors. Now off to help Old Man Dalton fix his mower."

@Papelbonian: "Wife kiboshed my deal for custom-built 50 foot metal likeness of me with robot claws and lasers. Would have been cool for cookouts/rain delays. Re-reading pre-nup."

@Jerry_Remy: "New product idea: 'Rem's Nuts Knits' -- little wool caps for dogs' testicles which, I imagine, get cold in the winter."

@Theo_Epstein: "Considering implementing the 'Heidi Watney initiative' to sweeten the Adrian Gonzalez offer."

@JoshBeckett: "Just added 'Guy at drive-thru window who gave me the wrong size Fresca' to the list of people I need to shoot."

@Wally_the_green_monster: "It's official: Gonnorhea."

If we missed any, put 'em in the comments.