Surviving Grady

From the Embers... Embree!

2010-03-21T15:24:00.000-04:00

Watching the Sox' lead against Houston slowly slip away as easily as the ice cold beers I keep cracking open. I've got the couch and TV outside, the cooler close at hand, and the "to do" list stuffed neatly in the trash bin. The game is really just background noise at this point, as is the news that Alan Embree is back, signed to a minor league deal with the possibility of stepping to the big club.

All thing considered, I kinda liked my last memories of Embree, jumping off the mound after the Sox secured the 2004 ALCS and chewing cigars during the victory parade. I don't want to muddy that up by seeing him cough up a lead to the Rangers in late August.

On the other hand, if Embree makes the club and becomes a key contributor, it can only spell good things for his 2004 classmates. I'm sure Mark Bellhorn and Curt Leskanic are looking for something to keep them out of trouble.

Bracket Busters

2010-03-21T01:57:00.001-04:00

This year's tournament has certainly lived up to its name: Madness. Two number 4's dumped in the first round, and halfway through the second round, number two Villanova and number one Kansas are going home. I've got Kentucky winning it all...

Meanwhile, Timmy pitched five scoreless while Youk and Scutaro homered. Two weeks from the real deal.

The Chronicles Of Reddick

2010-03-20T09:17:00.001-04:00

On the last day of July in 2009, Josh Reddick got the call to the Bigs. He exploded onto the scene, going five for his first 16 with three doubles, a home run and a couple RBI. Reality quickly set in and he would get just one hit in his next six games and struggle for the rest of the season. He finished with just 10 hits and a .169 batting average. But it was on the big club.

Reddick has been tearing it up this spring, currently batting .438 with a homer, five doubles and six RBI. With a starting outfield of Ellsbury, Cameron and Drew, and Bill Hall coming off the bench, there isn't a spot for Reddick in Boston. You have to think he has another chance coming, though. And if you've read this gem by Gordon Edes, you'll be rooting for it to be sooner than later.

When his father finally came home after missing his son's first birthday, the toddler was afraid of him. At least that's what his parents later told Josh Reddick about his reaction to seeing his father, Kenny, return from a burn center in Kentucky with his left hand missing and his right hand reduced to three fingers permanently locked in a claw.

It's something of a miracle that Kenny Reddick was able to be a part of this story at all, after 7,500 volts of electricity hot through his body while he was working for the power company back home. He'd been up in his bucket truck, working on a pole with the power shut off. He took a break for lunch, and while he was gone a supervisor ordered the juice to be turned back on.

After lunch, that's how Kenny Reddick came to be electrocuted.

"He was claimed dead three times," Josh Reddick says, "and they brought him back each time."

As Kenny Reddick was left to figure out how to put his life back together, his two little boys, Josh and older brother Bradford, looked to him to be a dad just like the other dads. A dad who could come out to the backyard and play catch.

Kenny Reddick forced himself to learn how to hold a ball with his three remaining fingers and throw it.

Game on.

"It's crazy," Josh Reddick says. "We've got videos of him back home, showing how he did it.

Fathers, sons and baseball. Amen.

Drink Like Josh Beckett

2010-03-19T10:20:00.001-04:00

My attitude has always been that if you're gonna get drunk anyway, you might as well try to help people out while you're doing it. Thanks to the good folks at Charity Wines, you can. They've just added a couple new items to their line of Red Sox-themed wines, including Commander Kick Ass' Chardon-K and ZinfandEllsbury. Never mind the fact that I can't even imagine Josh Beckett drinking wine unless it was the only alcohol available and he sucked it out of the gas tank of a '67 Mustang that he just happened to be driving at the same time. Or unless the ingredients on the bottle listed "50% wine, 40% whiskey, 10% hellfire." It's for a good cause.

No word on when Daisuke Matsuzaka's "I Shall Avenge My 2009 Performance... Just As Soon As I Sit Down and Rest My Back For A While" Malt Liquor will be available, but I gotta believe it's coming soon.

Girls In Their Summer Clothes

2010-03-18T13:26:00.001-04:00

The day after St. Patrick's Day is always an adventure. After crawling out of bed at the crack of noon, I was finally able to track down my missing car, which was parked for some reason on my neighbor's patio. My dignity remains among the missing, lost in blurry memories of trying to kiss some obese woman's butt because she had "Blarney Stone" written across of the ass of her sweatpants. But I'm not here to talk about the past.

The first spring day that the mercury cracks 60 means real baseball is just around the corner. I want to throw on a pair of cut-off jean shorts and my mesh tank-top with "Daytona Beach '88" on it, and break out the Jarts and the wine coolers (sharp objects and alcohol is always a winning combination). But mostly this type of day just makes me want to be at Fenway, watching the game and occasionally glancing at the scantily-clad hotties in the stands. And ladies, this one's for you...

Green Is The New Red

2010-03-18T07:45:00.005-04:00

A solid performance from Lackey during yesterday's game against the Mets. But the lasting imprssion in my brain was made by Adrian Beltre's glovework. Watching Beltre in full vacuum mode over the last couple grapefruit games has got me frothing at the mouth for the start of the season. It's also helped me gain a new appreciation for his much-discussed cuplessness. While my personal pain-sensors may be spinning into overdrive with every line drive sent down the third base line, my gut feeling is that the guy will be that much more inclined to make sure nothing escapes his glove, lest it end up in Oniontown.

While we're on the subject, I'd like to send a message to my friends at NESN. And that message is: I can do without the phrase "Mazz Ballin'" for the rest of my life. Not the kind of thing that's gonna make my breakfast go down any easier, people.

Other than that, I'm good. Is it April yet?

If I Should Fall from Grace With Orsillo

2010-03-17T09:55:00.001-04:00

Savvy readers will note that the annual Surviving Grady St. Patrick's Day Mix hasn't changed much over the last couple seasons. I think I peaked, along with Daisuke Matsuzaka, in 2007, and have let it ride ever since then, cranking it up as I backflip into a vat of Guinness. As always, we welcome your suggestions in our comments.

"If I Should Fall from Grace with God" - The Pogues
"Bad Liver and a Broken Heart" - Tom Waits [Okay, so Tommy Boy's not the first thing that pops into your head when you think of paddy tunes. But the guy's probably written more songs about the demon liquor than Shane MacGowan, and this one's the best of the lot. Also, quite a fitting soundtrack for St. Patrick's Day festivities.]
"N17" - The Saw Doctors
"Goin' to my Hometown" - Rory Gallagher
"Faraway So Close" - U2
"Funky Cieli" - Black 47
"Boston Rose" - Wolfe Tones
"Real Real Gone" - Van Morrison
"Cocktail Blue" - The Mahones
"It'll be Easier in the Morning" - The Waterboys
"Whiskey You're the Devil" - The Clancy Brothers
"God Bless Mom" - The Frames
"Take Down the Union Jack" -- Billy Bragg
"Seven Drunken Nights" - The Dubliners
"Fields of Athenry" - Three Irish Tenors [We played this as the processional tune before my Dad's funeral in 2006. One of his favorites, and one of mine as well.]
"Teenage Kicks" - The Undertones
"Star of the County Down" - Van Morrison & The Chieftains
"Chelsea Girls" - The Tossers
"Running to Stand Still" - U2
"Did She Mention My Name" - The Irish Rovers
"The Bank Of Ireland/The Dairy Maid" - Tommy Peoples
"A Jug of Punch" - Tommy Makem & the Clancy Brothers
"Alternative Ulster" - Stiff Little Fingers
"The Bunch Of Keys/The Girl That Broke My Heart" - Kevin Burke
"Give It Up" - Hothouse Flowers
"The Irish Rover" - The Dubliners w/ The Pogues
"Danny Boy" - Bing Crosby [Alright, yeah, everyone's done this song. But Der Bingle's version always messes me up inside. And you know how I enjoy a good messin' up.]
"Women of Ireland" - Wolfe Tones
"She Moved Through The Fair" - Van Morrison & The Chieftains
"Hallelujah Here She Comes" - U2
"There's No Rainouts in Baseball" - Whiskey on a Sunday
"The Worst Day Since Yesterday" - Flogging Molly
"Galway Bay" - Daniel O'Donnell
"Foggy Dew" - The Clancy Brothers
"Shamrock Shore" - The Irish Rovers
"Low Rising" - The Swell Season [Honestly, I despised the SS's Oscar winning tune from "Once." But their new album is fantastic, and this song the best of the lot.]
"Every Day's St. Patrick's Day" - Neck
"The Rocky Road to Dublin" - Dropkick Murphys
"Irish Blood, English Heart" - Morrissey
"Brennan on the Moor" - Tommy Makem & The Clancy Brothers
"New York Girls" - Icewagon Flu
"A Rainy Night In Soho" - Shane MacGowan
"Everlasting Love" - U2
"Maria's Wedding" - Black 47
"That's What She Said Last Night" - The Saw Doctors
"Has Anybody Seen Hank?" - The Waterboys
"The Wind that Shakes the Barley" - The Chieftains
"Like Clockwork" - Boomtown Rats

Sending Positive Vibes

2010-03-16T22:26:00.002-04:00

Good news from our friends at NESN: Sox prospect Ryan Westmoreland's surgery to remove a brain malformation was successful.

We wish him the luck of the Irish, the very best vibes we can conjure, and anything else he needs to ensure a speedy recovery.

NESN Presents: Youk and Lowell, Cops With Guns Episode 73: What's In a Name??

2010-03-16T07:09:00.001-04:00

You wanted to see us, Sarge?

You're damn right I wanted to see you. What's this bullshit I hear about you guys handing out hot turkey sandwiches to those young toughs on Yancy Street?

Aw, it's cold out there, Sarge. We just thought we could help build good relations with those kids if we brought 'em a hot meal every once in a while.

In my glorious days of misspent youth, turkey subs helped get my life on the right track. Sue me if I want to give a little something back.

I don't like it. Makes us look soft. I want a tougher face on our squad down on Yancy. Effective today, you guys are transferred.

Transferred? Sarge, we've been making some serious inroads throughout that community. We know people, they like us. The kids love Kevin!

Many of them think of me as a hairier RoboCop, which I'm fine with if it keeps them from getting into guns or, worse, becoming "Phish" fans.

Well, I think it's time for new blood. Meet your replacements: Officers Vic and Beckett.

Greetings. We're the new guys.

Si.

What the fudge? These guys are supposed to be tougher than us? They look like goofy ballplayers in badly-Photoshopped cop hats.

It's not just about the look, kids. It's about the name. "Vic and Beckett." That's gold. That's an action flick.

Let me put it another way, baldy. If you've got five hundred kilos of cocaine hidden in your sofa, who are you worried about knocking down your door? "Mike and Kevin" or "Vic and Beckett"?

Well, personally, I wouldn't knock down someone's door. I would use a series of strategic knocking patterns to make them think I was, for example, the milkman, perhaps, and gain entry that way.

Regardless, a tough name goes a long way in that neighborhood.

Who says "Mike" isn't a tough name? That was the name of the guy from that show, I think, and also, let's not forget, the name of the patriarch from The Brady Bunch, which, as I think about it, might not be such a great example but he held stern authority over those kids, even if he did enjoy the occasional "croissant."

Aaaaaand we'll see you guys bright and early tomorrow morning on your new beat. Information is in your lockers.

Yeah, but--

Come on, partner. You and I might not have been blessed with the world's toughest names. But we know what's right, and we know the value of the work we do. Let's just focus our energies where they belong.

You're right, Mike. You're right.

Well, now that they're gone, I reckon it's time to assert ourselves as the resident tough guys in this precinct. Looking at the roster, turns out there's a "Jim" and a "Pete" and a "Felix" and a "Larry" and a "Freddie." Nothing that comes within a Texas mile of outclassing us, buddy.

Sweet.

Excuse me. I just got transferred to this precinct. Can you tell me where the squad room is?

Sure thing. Let me guess... is it "Randy"? "Billy"? "Philip"?

Er, no. It's officer Bierd. But you can call me... Randor.

F#$k.

Spring Things

2010-03-15T16:39:00.002-04:00

Is anyone else getting concerned about the rash of mysterious and potentially serious issues plaguing the Red Sox?

Ryan Westmoreland needs brain surgery to correct a "cavernous malformation" of cells in his brain stem. This could not only affect his ability to play baseball but his overall quality of life. Let's hope he kicks this thing the way Lester beat cancer.

Jed Lowrie has been out for an undiagnosed illness that leaves him rundown and feeling "like he got hit by a truck." Additional tests were ordered when trainers noticed an accelerated heart rate.

Dice-K threw just five pitches before bailing out with a sore neck. This is the guy that threw a million pitches between starts. Now he's turning into Mr. Glass.

Get well, boys, get well.

The End of an Era

2010-03-15T00:01:00.001-04:00

Ruth may have been credited with building it, but it's the wrecking ball taking it down. The demolition of "old" Yankee Stadium is underway. At first, it seemed like a non-story to me: a bunch of Bud-drinking Yankee fans named Joey and Big Lou wearing their wife-beaters and cat-calling mildly attractive women as they do their job with a tear in their eye. But then I thought...what if it was Fenway?

I have been a long-time member of the Save Fenway club. I get the whole "seats are uncomfortable" thing and the fact that a new, modern stadium would be pretty cool...but it's Fenway F'ing Park. The faithful have been gathering there to worship the home team for almost 100 years! I just can't imagine stepping into any other place to watch a Red Sox home game. Even if they had robotic Teddy Ballgames serving ice-cold beer and Rachel McAdams giving seventh-inning stretch lapdances...I'd rather have Fenway.

Can you even imagine a wrecking crew tearing down the Green Monster? The Pesky Pole toppling to the ground? Never.

Like a Bear Drawn to Honey, Youk Cannot Resist the Gentle Allure... of Sandwiches

2010-03-14T09:54:00.002-04:00

Spring training is at once the most exhilarating and ball-draggingly slow time of year. But quote like this one, from Teets Francona regarding Friday's grapefruit rain-out against St. Louis, make it all worthwhile:

“What are you going to do? Youk called me at 7:30 and I was dying to say don’t go. But on the odd chance that we play, it would have been a [bad] thing. So I told him he could have the first choice of sandwiches. If I was the Cardinals and I had a sellout, I would want to play the game, too. I don’t blame them."

Weather willing, the Sox take on the Twins today at 1:30pm on NESN. If you've got the time, ladies, I've got the Pabst.

Clay Buchholz: Pitcher, Actor

2010-03-13T09:17:00.003-05:00

Those of you eager to inject a little more Clay Buchholz into your life will be happy to see Mr. Lean make what we believe to be his acting debut in this skit from Comedy Central's Tosh.0.

Next up for Buch is an ESPN commercial set to air around opening day, and, of course, the touring production of Mr. Belvedere On Ice.

Where Are Swan And Cyrus When You Need Them?

2010-03-12T16:45:00.006-05:00

Great video from our friends at NESN. This starts out like your run-of-the-mill "charge-the-mound sequence"...but not for long. When the pitcher beats feet and heads for the outfield, it starts to look like something from Benny Hill. Later, the cameraman must be getting jostled or running after the hit batter because things get a little Blair Witch. By the end of it, suddenly everybody on the field has a bat in their hand and it looks like an outtake from The Warriors.

Can you dig it?

U2 to Play Fenway in July 2010?

2010-03-12T05:50:00.002-05:00

I've never been to a concert at Fenway Park, unless you count that time during a 2001 rain delay in which Dante Bichette and Morgan Burkhart strapped on the electric guitars and tore through some Foghat classics.

But one band I'd love to see play the holiest of cathedrals is U2. I know it's been rumored for some time, but all the stars seem to be aligning for July 2010.

If you check the itinerary for U2's 2010 summer tour, their last scheduled US date is at New York's Meadowlands on July 19. From there, the band has a couple weeks of downtime until an August 6 show in Italy. Conveniently, the Sox are on the road from July 19 through July 29, meaning the owners will be looking at a big ol' empty park, devoid of wallet-carrying people, for a whole ten-day stretch.

See where I'm going with this? I can't imagine any leg of a U2 tour these days not touching down somewhere in Massachusetts. And while the guys could easily sell out Gillette or the Garden, five nights at Fenway would be the type of big ticket, no-other-band-has-done-this thing Bono and the guys love to pull off.

All I know is that if this happens, Denton and I will work every connection we don't have to try to secure a magnificent vantage point for all of our readers. It may be in the Park, it may be outside. But the event will most definitely be "pants optional."

Hope Springs Eternal

2010-03-11T00:04:00.000-05:00

Ever since Joba Chamberlain decided to use Youk's melon for target practice, I've had a slow-boiling hate on for the big doofus. So seeing this headline made my night.

After the lifting of the famed "Joba Rules," the fifth spot in the Yankees rotation looked to be Joba Chamberlain’s to lose. Like Phil Hughes, Chamberlain was expected to use spring training to distance himself from a pack of also-rans and give the Yankees two equally potent hurlers at the back end of the staff. Now it’s Chamberlain who’s looking like an also-ran.

To me, spring training is like Kate Jackson in Charlie's Angels; nobody really cares but they'll check her out if Farrah and Jaclyn aren't in the scene. And the stats probably don't mean a whole lot...but I still love seeing this:

After giving up six runs in 2 1/3 innings (all six coming in the third inning) against the Tigers on Wednesday, Chamberlain saw his spring training ERA rise to 27.00 and now appears destined for the bullpen -- assuming he can avoid the bus to Scranton.

Could he really break the suck barrier and not make the big club? Awesome.

Godspeed, Ramon in Reverse

2010-03-10T09:19:00.007-05:00

From the Dept. of Pretty F#$king Awesome comes news that Nomar Garciaparra, my sister's favorite player ever and the one-time Face of the Future of Red Sox Nation, will be announcing his retirement today--as a Red Sox. Turns out ownership is signing him to a one-day minor league deal so he can retire as a Sox; then he's off to a gig at ESPN. NESN will have the presser live at 10:30.

I spoke of my Nomar love back here. You can speak of yours in the comments.

And, just one more time, let's go here:

Thank you, Mr. Garciaparra.

Jerry Remy Has a Reserved Seat for You. For $500.

2010-03-10T06:01:00.006-05:00

So the Remdawg is opening his own restaurant right around the corner from Fenway. As I've said before, I'm totally down with this. Any excuse I get to inject a little more Remy into my life is a good, good thing.

But now I read that the Dawg's eatery will be offering $500 "season tickets" that will enable holders to cut long lines, snag reserved seating, get a free beer and enjoy other perks, one of which I'm hoping includes "Sharing an onion ring plate with Heidi Watney night."

Don Bailey, general manager and the guy who gave birth to the season-pass idea, said the restaurant is hoping to sell up to 300 passes. To win over fans, Remy’s has billed itself as an extension of Fenway Park, with a similar facade, exposed pillars, and waiters dressed in uniforms.

“This $500 season-ticket package can deliver an experience as close to an actual season ticketholder as possible, at a fraction of the price,’’ Bailey said.

Some folks may gripe that this is just another chance for The Jerry Remy Machine to separate us fans from our precious dollars, but I'm a capitalist at heart, so I'm down. My only concern is the price tag; I can barely rub two dimes together, and unless the ghost of Teddy Ballgame decides to slip five hundred clams under my pillow, I won't have the spare dough anytime soon.

But perhaps, gentle readers, between the lot of us, we can make this happen. Pitching in five or ten or maybe even twenty bucks? I can handle that. All I need is a few like-minded types to join forces -- and dollars -- with me. We can sort out all the details later, like who gets the pass on what nights. I just call dibs on anything having to do with Heidi and/or onion rings.

Who's with me?

I Dub Thee... Vic

2010-03-10T01:00:00.000-05:00

Great piece in the ProJo about how Commander Kick Ass and Victor Martinez are gettin' familiar with each other, trying to develop that symbiosis that defines successful pitcher-catcher partnerships. According to the article, Beckett judged their progress so far as a 7 on a scale of 10.

“It’s very difficult for you to expect a guy to come over three-quarters of the way through a season and pick up on the same page of everybody. It’s very difficult. I rely heavily on those guys, I’m not ashamed to say that. We’re doing good, it’s just not like every pitch,” Beckett said.

Varitek has always received a lot of credit for the way he calls a game. Fairly or not, Martinez has been viewed as an offensive catcher, which leads some to overlook his defensive qualities. Beckett said that anyone who helped lead CC Sabathia and Cliff Lee to Cy Young awards in two consecutive years can probably figure out how to adapt to a veteran pitcher like himself.

“I’m very comfortable with Vic. I really am. He really is a very smart guy. A lot of times people look at it wrong. I think the way you need to look at it is, he caught two Cy Youngs and he knows how to catch, so it’s probably my fault if things don’t work out,” Beckett said.

Whoa, did you catch that? No, not the part where Commander Kick Ass seems to imply that it's gonna take some time for these two to find their rhythm. I'm talking about the part where Beckett calls Martinez "Vic." That's absolute gold, there. Just the kind of name you'd expect at least one of the guys in a cop buddy flick to have.

So screw "V-Mart," says I. "Vic" it is.

Old Reliable

2010-03-09T19:53:00.002-05:00

So the day after Josh Beckett tosses three perfect innings, Shakey Wakey, AKA The Man Without a Home in the Projected Rotation, throws three innings of two-hit, shutout ball.

Yes, it's only spring training, where expectations top out at, "Gee, I hope no one tears a foot off or gets bitten by a poisonous eel." But I take good news wherever I can find it. So, hooray! Hooray for Timmeh.

With Apologies to Boof...

2010-03-09T13:37:00.000-05:00

...the single greatest name to come out of Sox spring training, at least as far as I'm concerned, is Randor Bierd, who spent the 2009 season toiling in Pawtucket.

Can't you just see that as the handle of the heavy in a James Bond film?

"Who stoll the plutonium?"
"It was Randor Bierd!"
"That f@#king rascal!"

That, my friends, is a name that spells intimidation.

We Take Perfect Innings Any Time of Year

2010-03-08T17:27:00.003-05:00

Honestly, seeing Commander Kick Ass throw three perfect innings is always a good time, whether it's a grapefruit game against the Cardinals, a mid-September contest against the Yankees, or a backyard Wiffle ball game against a team of Hooters girls. So I'm happy.

Even better, his replacements -- Papelbon, Okajima and Ramirez -- kept the party rolling, tossing no-hit ball until the seventh, when Manny Delcarmen served up a home run.

Hey, all I ever ask out of a spring training game is that no one break a leg or tear an ass muscle. If something cool happens -- say, six innings of no-hit ball or a three-run Jose Iglesias homer -- that's just gravy. So well done, gentlemen. Well done.

Breaking News: Ellsbury Is Fast

2010-03-08T11:55:00.005-05:00

Blogger is being a b#%ch and won't let me post pics or videos.

But here is the link to what you need to see. Basically, Ellsbury isn't just fast, he's an all-around badass athlete.

And he's our left-fielder.

Dig it.

Everyone Loves a Tug

2010-03-07T08:11:00.003-05:00

The unveiling of the much anticipated "Tug!" chant occurred during yesterday's spring fling against the Twins, after Tug Hulett belted a three-run, pinch-hit homer. Although "Boof!" still has the slight edge, I'm thinking nothing's going to make this a better summer than the echo of 35,000+ people screaming "Tug! Tug!" reverberating through the Fens.

Speaking of Tug -- who was being compared to Dustin Pedroia by some scouts back in 2008 -- the guy has a pretty poignant backstory. The kind of thing that makes you want to root for him even more.

Sox vs. Os at 1:00pm today on EEI. See you there.

Don't Even Think It

2010-03-06T21:49:00.004-05:00

Fenway Park. Boston, Mass. Home of The Green Monster, Sweet Caroline and Dirty Water. Traditions. Just because this anti-Semite neanderthal got his sorry ass kicked out of New York, let's not even consider the possibility of ever having him perform at a Sox game.
According to The New York Times, Tynan is making the move "for a change," and because he had family and friends in Boston.
That may be so, but after losing his gig as Yankees singer due to what he calls a "misconstrued" statement, Tynan admits living in New York has been hard according to the Times: "the barrage of angry e-mail messages and letters; the death threats; the surgeon who wrote saying he would let him die on the operating table, if Mr. Tynan were his patient; the prominent chef who steered him away from a table of customers because one of them was a Jewish man who refused to meet the singer."

Sounds like a lovable SOB, doesn't he? But this is the line that caused a little vomit to sneak up my throat:
Could Tynan make an appearance at Fenway Park to sing "God Bless America," and tweak the Yankees? Tynan says that he has had no contact with Red Sox officials to date, but it would certainly fuel the fire that is the Boston-New York rivalry if it came to pass.

This cannot, I repeat, CANNOT happen. Tweak the Yankees? The mere thought should "tweak" every self-respecting Red Sox fan into the immediate construction of an anti-Ronan ray gun to remain aimed at Fenway for every home game.

No Tynan. Please.