This Red Sox season hasn’t exactly been a cornucopia of good vibes, unless kicking yourself in the balls is your idea of a good time (and for a couple years between high school and college, for me it was). But even as the team threatens to unseat the 2012 edition for owners of the worst record of my lifetime, one solid fact remains: David Ortiz is still amazing to watch.
Whether he’s knocking balls out of parks or bitching to umpires or declaring war on the Tampa Bay Rays or busting up Yu Darvish’s no hitter or appearing on every magazine cover and billboard everywhere across this city, his larger-than-life antics have helped make a wretched season somehow less painful that it should be. At least in my mind.
Through the first two and a half innings, last night’s game looked like it would be one to wash away with cheap beer and hookers, the Astros scoring 5 times and Rubby De La Rosa looking about as effective as an Etch-a-Sketch. Then in the bottom of the third, Ortiz launched a two-tun homer to put the Sox within three, and suddenly, the entire mood of the evening shifted. I was there, and I can tell you, the change in mood was palpable, even down by three. Like he’s done so many times before, Ortiz took the weight off our shoulders and flicked it, Ben Grimm style, into the Negative Zone.
The home run was Papi’s 400th as a member of the Red Sox, putting him in an elite club with Yaz, Teddy Ballgame and Phil Plantier (just guessing on that last one). It was also his 458th career home run, meaning we could very well expect his 500th sometime in 2015. We can also say at this point, the guy’s got a good chance of unseating Ted Williams as the Red Sox’ leading home run hitter (521) — perhaps even in the next couple years, knees willing.
But he wasn’t done. Before the game ended, he homered again — that’s 459 for those playing at home — and put the final nail in Houston’s coffin with a two-run double in the eighth. His final tally on the night: 3-for-4, two home runs, six RBIs.
It was yet another highlight brought to you by David Ortiz. And in a shit year, these mean even more.