Tonight, Hollywood gets all up in its own face. But I’d rather spend four hours re-watching the 2013 playoffs and reliving all the magic. Plus, not watching the Oscars is the only way I know how to silently protest the lack of special category for super-hero movies. And the Tom Hanks snub. So here we go.

BEST REASON TO COMMISSION ANOTHER “BREAKIN’” FILM
The smooth moves of Mr. Jake Peavy.

Do_The_Peavy

BEST REACTION TO YOUR WORLD CRUMBLING TO PIECES
I’m going to call this a tie between Jim Leyland and Mike Methany. Slight edge to Leyland.

Fielder_Flops

matheny

BEST EMOTIONAL OUTBURST TO CAP A MOTHERF$%KING AWESOME COMEBACK SEASON
Who else? John Lackey. But the entire pitching staff deserves something for this.

Lackey_Goes_Nuts

BEST DEFIBRILLATION ON A PLAYOFF RUN.
One minute, we were down by down by four. The next, shit went nuts.

Ortiz_Granny

BEST “I AM GETTING ON BASE IF IT F#$KING KILLS ME”
Hi, Jonny Gomes.
Gomes_Slide

BEST SELF-DELUSION
Yup.

BEST CHASE SCENE
Godspeed, Salty.

Salty_WalkOff

BEST USE OF BUD LIGHT
Scientifically better than drinking it.

Yes, I know there’s a brand new season right around the corner. But the majesty of 2013 is still soaking in, and while I should be waxing rhapsodic about the 2014 pitching staff and the young up-and-comers and Stephen Drew and news about online roulette, I can’t keep my eyes off last October.

If I missed any awards, leave ‘em in the comments.