Tonight, Hollywood gets all up in its own face. But I’d rather spend four hours re-watching the 2013 playoffs and reliving all the magic. Plus, not watching the Oscars is the only way I know how to silently protest the lack of special category for super-hero movies. And the Tom Hanks snub. So here we go.
BEST REASON TO COMMISSION ANOTHER “BREAKIN'” FILM
The smooth moves of Mr. Jake Peavy.
BEST REACTION TO YOUR WORLD CRUMBLING TO PIECES
I’m going to call this a tie between Jim Leyland and Mike Methany. Slight edge to Leyland.
BEST EMOTIONAL OUTBURST TO CAP A MOTHERF$%KING AWESOME COMEBACK SEASON
Who else? John Lackey. But the entire pitching staff deserves something for this.
BEST DEFIBRILLATION ON A PLAYOFF RUN.
One minute, we were down by down by four. The next, shit went nuts.
BEST “I AM GETTING ON BASE IF IT F#$KING KILLS ME”
Hi, Jonny Gomes.
BEST SELF-DELUSION
Yup.
BEST CHASE SCENE
Godspeed, Salty.
BEST USE OF BUD LIGHT
Scientifically better than drinking it.
Yes, I know there’s a brand new season right around the corner. But the majesty of 2013 is still soaking in, and while I should be waxing rhapsodic about the 2014 pitching staff and the young up-and-comers and Stephen Drew and news about online roulette, I can’t keep my eyes off last October.
If I missed any awards, leave ’em in the comments.
