5) Mother Nature, that hateful bitch, begins an onslaught of cold and snow that leaves us all wondering why we live in New England. I blame it on the creepy guy in the top hat that rips the rat out of its little house. That’s just weird. Cue up the Blizzard of ’78 highlight reel!
4) The sports world crumbles after the Superbowl (yeah, I said Superbowl come get me) until March Madness. Nothing left but the lottery-bound Celts and that other team that plays that game on the ice that isn’t curling.
3) The Oscars and all the movies we’ve never heard of become all the rage. And the world yawns.
2) Men everywhere realize they know nothing about women, particularly the ones they are in a relationship with. Thanks St. Valentine, you and Mother Nature can go f#&k yourselves.
1) And the number one way you can tell it’s February…David Ortiz is bitching about his contract! That’s right, 38 years old and having a measly one year left at a cool 15 mil just ain’t right. I would post a link to a story…but I’ll let you Google it and pick your favorite.