I don’t care if tonight the Red Sox set a new record for most people in one park wearing fake beards. I just want the boys to deflate any postseason hopes the Orioles may still have, knock them a few more rungs out of the wild card chase, and then send Jenny Dell over to help adjust the horizontal hold on my TV set.

Which is not a euphemism, man. My TV sucks.

Anyway, winning first. Beards second.

Let’s go.