NESN Presents “The Adventures of Ellsbury ‘n’ Elf,” Episode 582-D: Nothing a Few Name Tags Wouldn’t Fix

by Red on June 8, 2012


So anyway, Daisuke, we’re glad to have you back.


Yes.


Now there’s a couple new and perhaps unfamiliar faces on the team, so I want to make sure you’re up to speed.


Yes.


This here’s Nick Punto.


Hi.


And over here we got Marlon Byrd. Between you and me, Daisuke, don’t get used to this guy.


Uh. Hi.


And this is. Er. Daniel Nava?


Yes.


And over here we got. Um. Help me out, kid.


Daniel Nava.


Waitaminute, we just met Daniel Nava.


Actually, I’m Will Middlebrooks. I just didn’t want to have to correct you.


Heh. He’s funny. I like Daniel Nava.


Thanks.


Not YOU, turkey tits. The OTHER Daniel Nava.


Hell, there’s been so many new faces, I pay the clubhouse kid a tenner to help me keep ‘em straight. Ain’t that right, Pietro?


Who are you calling Pietro? I’m Ryan Sweeney.


::puzzled::


One of your fu#$king teammates.


Well if you’re Ryan Sweeney, who’s this guy?


Scott Podsednik.


Heh. Good one. “Scott Podsednik” retired like years ago after he injured himself eating too much ham.


Well then who do you think I am?


Judging from the dulcet tones of “She’s Gone” I heard this morning in the clubhouse shower I thought you were “Oates” of “Hall and Oates.”


No. And… I thought I was alone in the showers?


Oh, I was under the drains. In the floor. They let me hang out there sometimes.


What?


Who?


Huh?


::eats sandwich::


I’m still trying to figure out why he shouldn’t get used to me? Is that foreshadowing?


Look, you guys can work this shit out on your own. All you need to know is that Daisuke Matsuzaka is pitching for us on Saturday. End of story.


So, er… which one of these guys parks my car?


F$%k, Lacks, we’ll deal with you in September.


Understood. Also, I’m a huge fan, Mr. Oates.


I KNEW IT.

80 comments
English Sox Fan
English Sox Fan

I had a Phillies/Indians/Tigers/Sox accumulator bet tonight.   Looks like the Sox are going to be the ones to ruin it.

Madraider
Madraider

If you don't catch the ball on the fly you can't hold it up and wave it around in victory.

Madraider
Madraider

Bases loaded with 1 out squandered.

hannah82
hannah82

hi kids. game is blacked out again. are we looking any better than the score is telling me?

Madraider
Madraider

Pedey ain't ascared of the big bad wolf er Strasbourg

 

Madraider
Madraider

Oh for fucks sake, we gotta take a beating to another beltway team?  I bet the Sox are feeling like the Bill of Rights or Fiscal Responsibility at this point.

GarrettCRW
GarrettCRW like.author.displayName like.author.displayName 2 Like

LaRoche had words for Salty. I think he needs some chin music.

Jennie
Jennie

 @GarrettCRW I'm sure it was "nice catch, dude". (I really liked LaRoche during the short time he was with us - he seemed really upset to be traded.)

alexis_b82
alexis_b82 like.author.displayName like.author.displayName like.author.displayName like.author.displayName 4 Like

FANS IN THE STAND, LET THE PLAYERS ON YOUR OWN DAMN TEAM ATTEMPT TO MAKE THE CATCH! YOU SHOULD FUCKING KNOW BETTER!

GarrettCRW
GarrettCRW

Am I the only one who thinks that Harper is destined to become an ultra-douche-y member of the Yankees?

English Sox Fan
English Sox Fan

 @GarrettCRW Didn't he recently hit himself in the head with his bat?  That's very Kevin Brown.  He'll fit in there nicely.

GarrettCRW
GarrettCRW

 @English Sox Fan He had a habit of wearing full-on facepaint when he played for the community college here in town.

 

And the less said about how he behaved during his first home run, the better. (Let's just say that he's fortunate that it happened at a game where the national feed featured play-by-play by Vin Scully.)

English Sox Fan
English Sox Fan

Mrs ESF: "Don and Jerry really must like Jenny.  I can't imagine them doing that for Heidi."

alexis_b82
alexis_b82

I step away for a moment and the  Nats take the lead? Oy.

GarrettCRW
GarrettCRW

The O's are getting torched 7-3, while the Mets are doing their traditional bendover for the MFY.

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