Good News: The Red Sox beat Le Tigres, jumping above .500 for the first time this season.

Bad News: Depending on which reports you believe, The Elf may be just fine, or he may be out for a month with his thumb injury. He may also be faking the entire thing, just to lull his enemies into a false sense of security.

I’m hoping for that last one. But then again, I’m also hoping Heidi Watney opens a “Free Hugs and Cheap Feels” drive-through booth next to my house.