Honestly, I know you don’t need it. As a Red Sox fan, there’s something magical — dare I say mystical — about the start of a new season. Even with two World Series titles to take away the pain, Opening Day is a clean slate. A chance to wash away the messy past and look forward to something that is bigger, brighter and hopefully involves shitloads of home runs.

Last year, we were appointed Kings of All We Survey before a single pitch was even thrown. This year… the experts call for us to place somewhere between the Tampa Bay Rays and the Harlem Globetrotters. And I’m fine with that. There are a lot of questions surrounding the 2012 Red Sox, but I’d rather be the team that quietly defies expectations and overperforms than the AL’s version of the Justice League of America.

Bring us Bobby V and Youk’s wretched beard and A-Gon and The Elf and Jenny Dell and Remy and DO. Start this shit up already. Seems like we’ve been waiting far too long.

Welcome to motherf$%king Opening Day!