Our pals over at the Extra Bases blog had some excerpts from an interview Josh Beckett did with none other than Kevin Millar. Josh toed the company line and said what he knew everyone wanted to hear. Everyone except us. We know Josh and we know what he was really saying…

What Beckett said about the beer and chicken:

“I think the biggest key is what [Jon] Lester said to the end that, we stunk on the field and that was the bottom line,” Beckett said. “If we would have pitched better, none of that stuff would have even been an issue. And it shouldn’t be an issue anyway because what goes on in the clubhouse should stay in the clubhouse. I don’t care who says that or whatever, I’m not saying we don’t make mistakes in the clubhouse … it’s just what goes on in the clubhouse, it’s supposed to stay in the clubhouse.”

What he really meant:

I love me some chicken and the only thing I love more is washing it down with a cold Bud or ten. Hell, I used to do that on pitching days in high school. And having a few strippers and farm animals don’t hurt…what? That wasn’t reported. Haha, just..ah…joking.

What Beckett said about his chat with Bobby V:

“I don’t think we really got specific with anything. Bobby came to my house and we had a great talk,” Beckett said. “He seems like he’s really excited about this. I think the first thing I said to him was, ‘Hey, congratulations,’ because I don’t think anybody’s ever been handed something like the Boston Red Sox. The Boston Red Sox, not only the organization, but the team that we have right now is so talented and he even said, ‘Yeah, I know exactly what you’re talking about.’ ”

What he really meant:

Listen shitheels, Tito left us alone and in return, I didn’t kill him and his family. Pretty simple deal, I think even a jackass like you can understand. Got it?

What Beckett said about being pissed at Valentine for his “time between pitches” comments:

“We had a little talk about it and I think it was initiated just as a kind of conversation starter. It wasn’t really anything too detailed,” Beckett said “I think it was one of those deals where he felt bad because somebody else told him he should feel bad about it, but it wasn’t anything for me.”

What he really meant:

I’ve got a cheese-grater, some Tabasco and a colony of fire ants waiting for him.

Pitchers and catchers on February 19th. Can I get an amen?