But how far can Pedro Martinez chuck it?

As if Don Zimmer wasn’t already cuddly enough, the intrepid and quite possibly drug-addled minds in the Tampa Bay Rays’ marketing group have gone and made him into an actual teddy bear. Only… it’s a bear with Zim’s meaty face. Making it a sort of weird, human-bear mutant hybrid. Hi, kids!

If you’re one of the lucky ones at Tropicana Park on June 29, the stuff of nightmares will be yours for the taking. It’s part of a giveaway designed to put asses in seats at the Trop, where things like, “Maybe people would show up if we offered a teddy bear with Don Zimmer’s face,” are actually uttered and, God help us, acted upon.

Of course, we’ll see who’s laughing when these things are fetching a hundred bucks on eBay. But the success of this promotion will only lead to more horror-inducing ideas. Like, I dunno, a guy in a cat suit dressed as a rapper.