After the Red Sox clinched the AL East and ALDS back in 07, fans watching the post-victory antics on NESN were treated to live shots of Jonathan Papelbon kicking it whiteboy-style to “Tessie,” “Dirty Water,” “Muskrat Love” and basically whatever else was playing on that boombox in his mind. Sometimes he had a Bud Light box on his head, sometimes he was sans pants. But few could deny they were witnessing the greatest exhibition of dancing prowess by a slightly off-kilter dude since Chris Walken got down in the video for “Weapon of Choice.”
After the Sox clinched the 07 ALCS, the Fox interviewer snagged Papelbon and asked him how he planned to top his past dance routines. In response, the Bot flashed that crazed psuedo-Nicholson grin and uttered the eight most feared words in broadcast history: “Stay tuned. I got something for ya, kid.”
I’m guessing that at that very moment, every member of the FOX production team went on high alert. I mean, just a week earlier the dude was prancing around drunk in his jockstrap on live television. How was he going to follow that up? An impromptu performance of Puppetry of the Penis? A re-enactment of the Afterschool Special Good Touch, Bad Touch with DeMarlo Hale as the frisky gym teacher? A live demonstration of how to pick-up a Chinatown hooker? The mind reels.
It was a terrifying moment for the FCC. But pretty freakin’ sweet for the rest of us.
I’ll miss that bug-eyed, whack-ass nuttiness. Here’s hoping the Sox brass are trolling the leagues and local methadone clinics for a suitable replacement.