The latest entry in the long-running series in which Brian Cashman discusses the current state of the New York Yankees. With his headwarmer.
Headwarmer: Okay, let’s see. Running down your 2011 “To Do” list. First, we have “Clinch AL East.”
Headwarmer: Next, we have “Give your most hated division rival sufficient billboard material to kickstart a late-season surge that could very well extend into October.”
Cashman: Huh? Well, I had Russell Martin say he hates the Red Sox. That seemed to piss them off.
Headwarmer: Well played. Next… “make some bizarre, ‘Star Wars’-esque statement about how everything that has transpired to this point in the Red Sox’ season has done so according to your design.”
Cashman: I… you mean that thing I said about how I faked interest in Crawford to drive his price up?
Headwarmer: That’ll work. Next, “forget — like the mindless twink you are — that we’d be better off playing the Rays instead of the Sox in the post-season, and play the final two Tampa Bay series as if they were the playoffs.”
Cashman: I… um. Well, we actually won the series this week. Did you see that?
Headwarmer: I’ll put that down as “accomplished.” Next, “get pulverized in the ALCS by a revitalized Boston team that has somehow discovered how to win again, leading to your tarring-and-feathering at the hands of an angry Bronx mob.”
Cashman: Er. What?
Headwarmer: Well, that’s not really due for a couple weeks. You’ve got time to practice your escape skills.
Cashman: I don’t think I’m enjoying this anymore. Are we done?
Headwarmer: Actually, we just got to my favorite part. “Hit yourself in the nuts with this wooden stick.”
Cashman: Do I have to?
Headwarmer: Actually… you do.