Hey, 2004 Red Sox. WTF?! First Manny Ramirez gets arrested for allegedly tossing the missus, now Curt Leskanic, cult hero and player of the role of “wacky neighbor” in various episodes of Ellsbury & Elf, gets DUI after drinking his weight in cheap brew and then deciding to take the car [and daughter] out for a spin.

What’s next? Cesar Crespo on America’s Most Wanted? Mark Bellhorn shuffling away from the cameras on “To Catch a Predator” [a thought so cringe-inducing I almost couldn't type it]? Pokey Reese showing up in the next Al-Qaeda video, declaring that our rivers will overflow with blood and old Yankees caps?

You guys gotta stop this shit immediately. I don’t need anything dirtying up my 2004 memories. Unless it’s Hazel Mae in a leather catsuit.

Also, this: