Listen, I don’t give a damn about any hurricane. The weathermen always play these things up, anyway. Why? Because it sells newspapers and flashlights and fat-free pretzels and Rob Schneider DVDs. As I see it, if God wanted us to stay indoors today, he wouldn’t have set up the sweet double-dose of Sox-on-A’s action at Fenway Park.

Hell, I may even drag the ol’ Sony Trinitron and a couple couches and the massive Bud-packed cooler out to my front lawn and just soak in the games whilst my neighbors panic and stock their basements with sandbags and bottled water. Anyone who wants to join me is welcome. Alls I ask is that if you’re a guy, bring some booze, and if you’re a woman, wear something tight.

The game’s on, folks. You gonna let Mother Nature spoil your fun? That’s Matt Albers’ job!