After the first game of this Texas series, I’d have rather faced a prostate exam in a roller coaster than an ALDS against the Rangers.

But now, twenty-four runs in two games later, I say bring ’em on.

Our offense, which had been showing signs of drying up for much of this month, is officially back, with tonight’s 13-2 barrage featuring an embarrassment of riches: another home run for Gonzo, two hits and five RBIs for Crawford, three hits including a home run for Ellsbury, and two hits for Ortiz in his first game back from Bursitis-ville.

At the epicenter was Commander Kickass, giving up just four hits and one run through six innings. Best of all, his teammates scoring 13 runs meant he didn’t have to stab anyone, which is always a good thing.

He also did this, which was pretty awesome:

I guess in closing I’d just like to say this to Carl Crawford: Whatever you had for dinner tonight (steak, gamma rays, etc.), please have it again tomorrow.

That is all.