Just keep drinkin' till Lackey wins that Cy Young


Look, I’m gonna be honest: I don’t like to trash-talk the boys. But just start drinking. Shit-tons of booze. Like now.

Because with the Mariners in town on a twelve-game losing streak, someone’s gotta pay. And I’ve got a nasty feeling that it’s gonna be the Lackster.

I certainly hope it isn’t, mind you. But I just got that feelin’.

Anyway, here’s a drinking game to pass the time: toss back a Jager shot every time Lackey walks a batter or gives up a hit or shouts at himself or sneers at the ump or grimaces as an opposing batter drops one onto the Mass Pike. If you’re not dead by the fourth inning, you win. Or they took Lackey out. Or the game was called on account of Glen Campbell (this actually happened back in 1973, when a Pirates-Giants game was cancelled due to a number of fans refusing to stop humming “Wichita Lineman.”)