"Aw, f$%k this interleague shit, Florida!"

Wasn’t it just a couple weeks ago that the Sox were smashing the cream of the AL East to pulp, rolling over any team that would dare stand between us and the division crown?

Man, it sure seems like a long time ago. Back then, the Sox could do no wrong, and would even occasionally spot the other team a few runs before putting down the hammer in the late innings. Legend tells they even plated 30 runs over one weekend in Toronto.

But not these guys. Against some of the NL’s shittier representatives, the Sox have all but gone to sleep, getting outscored 14-6 through their last three games and reminding us of the 90 pound weakling that routinely got sand kicked in its face throughout April.

A win today, before heading in to Philly for what will no doubt be billed from here to Venus as the “World Series 2011 Preview,” would stop the skid and prevent most of us from gnawing our arms off during tomorrow’s off day. So I’m begging you, Andrew Miller: Stop these punks in their tracks. And if the bats want to show a little of that June 11-12 spark, I’m all right with it.

I’ve got the quarter barrel on ice and the door’s unlocked. Come on in.