Cashman: Alright, Headwarmer. I think I’ve got this Lee deal figured out.
Headwarmer: Seriously?
Cashman: I’m thinking seven years at three hundred million dollars. But because Texas may counter that with something exotic like a private Nolan Ryan rubdown, I’ve been working on some added incentives.
Headwarmer: Er.
Cashman: So far all I’ve got is free snowcones for life at Sal’s Sno-Cones in Queens, one piece of authentic Ace Frehley memorabilia from the Hard Rock Cafe at Yankee Stadium, and, of course, front row seats to Blue Man Group.
Headwarmer: Um.
Cashman: if pushed, I might throw in my own personal, high-grade copy of The Amazing Spider-Man number 129. That’s the first appearance of the Punisher, as you know. Quite valuable.
Headwarmer: Uh.
Cashman: Of course, I’d rather give him Spider-Man 121, which is the death of Gwen Stacy issue. But, hey, that’s the stuff that we’ll deal with at the table.
Headwarmer: Do you read the papers? Listen to the radio? Lee is gone.
Cashman: Dead?
Headwarmer: No, you dolt. He’s gone to the Phillies. They signed him for less than we offered while you’ve been rappelling walls and dicking around with comic books.
Cashman: It can’t be.
Headwarmer: Oh, it be. The only Cliff you have to worry about now is the one the fans want to throw you from.
Cashman: ::Peers out the window:: Well, like I said the other day, ‘We have a really good team going forward. If [Lee] comes, it will be a huge get. If not, we move forward regardless.’
Headwarmer: I hope that brings you comfort when the first pitchfork hits your ballbag. Also, “a huge get”? Way to throw the lingo, slick.
Cashman: Go ahead and laugh. Go ahead and think they’ve won. But the off-season isn’t over yet, Headwarmer. I’ll get Hanley Ramirez. Hell, I’ll get Manny Ramirez to DH. That’ll stick it to the Red Sox.
Headwarmer: Why don’t you bring back Damon, too. I had a sure thing going with a pair of his wife’s wool slacks before he cut outta town.
Cashman: The goddam Phillies? Christ, it might be time to break my “no whiskey before noon” rule.
Headwarmer: Go cry to your antlers, needle dink. I’ve got shit to do.
* * * * * * * *
Meanwhile… we encourage you to hope aboard the roller coaster that is… the Joe Blanton Watch.
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