"Smell this one, nerd."

Despite all the pomp and circumstance, the Yankees are going to re-sign Derek Jeter. You know it. I know it, too. The Steinbrenners know it. Jeter and his agent know it. Your butcher knows it. Your landlord knows it (actually, that guy knows lots of things since he installed that webcam in your bedroom). Your dog, your parole officer and Marco Scutaro all know it.

That said, I still think the Sox should give Jeter the full “Bernie Williams,” flying him into town on the back of a golden dragon, holing him up in a Ritz penthouse packed with champagne and BU girls, bringing Nomar and Rick Burleson and Edgar Renteria in to discuss the proud tradition of Red Sox shortstops, and laying out plans for “Jeter Cologne Day” at Fenway.

If it drives up his asking price and sets the New York media ablaze, that’s just a bonus. I’m asking strictly for some entertainment to pull me through the winter months.