Nowhere for Heidi to run...

Sunday afternoon, long before I’d ingested whatever alcohol had me predicting a John Lackey triumph last night, I had the pleasure of serving as one of the announcers for the Jimmy Fund’s Fenway Fantasy Day. All I can say is that watching the game from the lofty perch of the announcers’ booth (not Don & Jerry’s booth, mind you, but the booth where the dude announcing the batters and whatnot sits), soaking in all that green and blue and the sea of seats below, does not suck. And the fact that there was a cute Fenway A/V girl assigned to watch over us and make sure we didn’t broadcast any “colorful” remarks made it even more enjoyable. Best of all, hearing my goofy cackle reverberate through the Park’s massive sound system was a thrill on par with the birth of my kids and the introduction of the Hostess Cupcakes 36-pack. So thank you, Jimmy Fund, for letting us volunteer our time and meager talents.

I snapped a few pics here and there as Denton and I wandered the booth and the surrounding halls, and I figgered I’d share them with you here, rather than waste anymore breath on that shitshow of a series in Tampa Bay.

For example, this is one of the computer screens in the announcers’ booth. TELL ME THAT IS NOT THE GREATEST WALLPAPER EVER:

I spent way too much time pouring over the booth’s CD library. For the record, I spotted the Monkees, Aerosmith’s “Honkin’ on Bobo,” the Best of The Human League (10 songs! Go figure!) and the monstrosity below, which I hope is only employed in the most dire of circumstances, like a 32-run rout at the hands of the Yankees or a rapidly approaching Inter-Continental Ballistic Missile:

Denton rocks the mic. Surprisingly, neither one of us fell — or were pushed — out the window.

The halls leading up to the broadcast booths and media dining areas are lined with awesome 2004 and 2007 propaganda. Nothing that fits easily into a pocket, sadly. Not that I’m that type of fella.

When you first head into the broadcast/media area, there’s a leather couch with a huge motherflippin’ framed photo of the Papelbot’s infamous Riverdance audition hanging above it. Anyone who says they wouldn’t want this f#$ker hanging over their fireplace is a lying whore.

Lastly, ladies, remember that Ken Coleman is always watching. Thank you.