There would be no better exclamation point to the “reports of the death of Ortiz’s bat have been greatly exaggerated” headlines than seeing the Large Father win the Home Run derby tonight.

I can’t imagine it will actually happen. But, man… what if he did? How friggin’ cool would that be?

But whether he hits two dingers or 34, I know this much: this pale-arsed blogger will never doubt The Man again. And I look forward to his second-half exploits.

UPDATE: Holy Kazoosis. Ortiz wins the Home Run Derby.