Why You Shouldn’t Boo Manny: Puppet Red Explains

by Red on June 18, 2010

Thanks for the two World Series titles, pally.

There’s been a lot of talk this week about how the fans will react when Manny returns to Fenway tonight. I can’t believe there’d be any question. The guy played a critical role in helping us win two World Series. When he steps to the plate, you get on your feet and clap your goddam hands. Then you sit down and root for our boys to shut him down.

On the other hand, Tony Mazz and his fellow writers would like to remind you that Manny quit on the team, did some steroids, stole fresh-baked pies from the orphanage, left the cake out in the rain, sunk the Titanic, tarnished the good name of Dick Van Patten, plagiarized whole chunks of Camus’ “The Stranger,” and inappropriately touched a statue of Grimace in a Burlington McDonalds.

They can keep talkin’ for all I care. I hold my ballplayers to the following criteria:

1) Did he ever punch my mother?

2) Did he leave us for the Yankees?

If the answer to either of those question is “yes,” then I can’t hang. Otherwise, we’re good.

Besides, I need to thank Manny for giving me one of the greatest memories of my Red Sox fanhood. It was Fenway Opening Day, 2001. The last opening day game my Dad and I went to. Manny’s first at-bat in a Sox uni in front of the home town crowd. We’re down by three, and on the first pitch, the guy goes yard with two men on. Just like that, the game is tied, the place goes shitmadcrazy and Dad and I are jumping around like lunatics. Dad’s not around anymore, but every time I think of that at-bat, it’s like he never left.

Dad used to tell me to remember the good times and f@#k everything else. So I’m gonna do just that. I stood up for Nomar and I’ll stand up for Manny. Just like Puppet Red explains in this most shittily-filmed video.

So what about you? How will you welcome Manny?

37 comments
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Alexis
Alexis

My beer and I are in the game thread.

HorshamScouse
HorshamScouse

Red has altogether too much time on his hands.

Red
Red

The Puppet actually has better hair.

SoxFanBackHome
SoxFanBackHome

I may or may not have been still drunk from the Cs shitshow when writing that, so credit any good points to the fine people at Sam Adams.

Ben (02144)
Ben (02144)

it'd be a poor puppet otherwise.

"He slugged an old man - who hasn't!?  Sometimes grandpa gets outta line"

Ben (02144)
Ben (02144)

it'd be a poor puppet otherwise.

"He slugged an old man - who hasn't!?  Sometimes grandpa gets outta line"

Ted
Ted

Puppet Red amazingly looks like real Red.

ydde
ydde

I told my friend's who are attending the games to just be sure not to give Manny the Penis Salute. That gets you thrown out of Fenway every time.

Kurt Busiek
Kurt Busiek

I don't think he'll be able to hear me through the TV.

But I've cheered him plenty, and I've bitched at him plenty as well. This isn't my "chance" to do either; I've done 'em both already.

I'll be rooting for him to go 0-12 over the weekend, and to foul a ball off his foot so hard he breaks three significant bones. But then, I feel that way about most people on the other team.

I do hope he'll wander into the Monster for old time's sake. And to see if that joint he left behind is still there.

kdb

Alexis
Alexis

I love you too, Puppet Red.

mike
mike

Call me crazy - I value character and a man's word.
When Manny signed that contract he gave his word - which obviously isn't worth shit!  I'm booing the hell out of him and anybody else that doesn't honor their word (contract).

mike
mike

Call me crazy - I value character and a man's word.
When Manny signed that contract he gave his word - which obviously isn't worth shit!  I'm booing the hell out of him and anybody else that doesn't honor their word (contract).

TheOmnipotentQ
TheOmnipotentQ

Manny gets a standing ovation from me for his first at-bat for bringing two titles to Boston. Every at-bat afterwards, he's an enemy combatant.

John Whit
John Whit

"The whole made up injury, taking three strikes against the Yanks, hitting the travelling secretary and Youk and crapping all over Boston after he left town, these things leave a bad taste in your mouth."

My mind is ever dominated by more recent occurances than older ones. For example, in the 82nd minute of the USA vs Slovenia match, my mind was soaring with happy thoughts of the miraculous comeback and how happy I was for just a tie. But now, after the blown call that cost them a win, I'm PISSED at the tie.  With Manny, it's the same, I remember everything he did for the team that was great, but the crap he pulled around leaving time was too much. He was pissing me off, and I was happy for the trade at the time, wondering if I'd change my mind later. I never have.

Yet, I still can't boo him.  My official response will be a silent and begrudged lift of my glass

John Whit
John Whit

"The whole made up injury, taking three strikes against the Yanks, hitting the travelling secretary and Youk and crapping all over Boston after he left town, these things leave a bad taste in your mouth."

My mind is ever dominated by more recent occurances than older ones. For example, in the 82nd minute of the USA vs Slovenia match, my mind was soaring with happy thoughts of the miraculous comeback and how happy I was for just a tie. But now, after the blown call that cost them a win, I'm PISSED at the tie.  With Manny, it's the same, I remember everything he did for the team that was great, but the crap he pulled around leaving time was too much. He was pissing me off, and I was happy for the trade at the time, wondering if I'd change my mind later. I never have.

Yet, I still can't boo him.  My official response will be a silent and begrudged lift of my glass

Veronica OLeary
Veronica OLeary

For me it's become like my divorce...the further I am removed from the jerk, the less of a jerk he seems. Manny was wondrous, just like the ex at first, then a jerk. Now I'm remembering the wondrous again.

2004 was without a doubt the high point of all RS fan's lives. Let's just hold that feeling and forget the garbage.

I want a Red puppet for the kids in my child care center!

Red
Red

Fair enough. Good points as always, Amalie.

SoxFanBackHome
SoxFanBackHome

I'm of two minds.  You can never forget how much Manny helped the Sox, especially in 2004 and 2007, and as Red reminds us, he never went to the Yankees.  Or hit my mother, as far as I know.  Unfortunately because of the way Manny left, it's harder to just unabashedly cheer for him like say, Dave Roberts.

The whole made up injury, taking three strikes against the Yanks, hitting the travelling secretary and Youk and crapping all over Boston after he left town, these things leave a bad taste in your mouth.  But, Manny brought us a lot of joy when he was giving it his all, and for that, I'll give him a cheer and a tip of the cap.

SoxFanBackHome
SoxFanBackHome

I'm of two minds.  You can never forget how much Manny helped the Sox, especially in 2004 and 2007, and as Red reminds us, he never went to the Yankees.  Or hit my mother, as far as I know.  Unfortunately because of the way Manny left, it's harder to just unabashedly cheer for him like say, Dave Roberts.

The whole made up injury, taking three strikes against the Yanks, hitting the travelling secretary and Youk and crapping all over Boston after he left town, these things leave a bad taste in your mouth.  But, Manny brought us a lot of joy when he was giving it his all, and for that, I'll give him a cheer and a tip of the cap.

Chemmy
Chemmy

Got tickets tonight and I'm dragging my Manny jersey out of the closet. He's going to get an enormous standing ovation tonight.

Curtis Interuptus
Curtis Interuptus

Red, this video is proof-positive that someone has put acid in your Ritalin.

Denton
Denton

When are we going to see a puppet Denton?

Randy Moran
Randy Moran

I loved Manny precisely because he was a nut. That and because he hit the Yankees like they owed him money. I will never boo him and only think of the great things he did for the Sox.

DeathOpie
DeathOpie

Holy shit, thank you Puppet Red for cheering my hungover ass up after last nights C's haghtbreakah.

Steve Promisel
Steve Promisel

Manny boo or cheer?  I say "beer".  (then cheer).  Saw him hit no. 500 at Fenway South and will never forget it.

Steve Promisel
Steve Promisel

Manny boo or cheer?  I say "beer".  (then cheer).  Saw him hit no. 500 at Fenway South and will never forget it.

HorshamScouse
HorshamScouse

I will be standing in my lounge clapping Manny to the plate (and back to the dugout after he strikes out).

Trackbacks

  1. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Adam Grossman, Red. Red said: Why You Shouldn’t Boo Manny: Puppet Red Explains http://bit.ly/danSzL [...]

  2. [...] Ramirez, and I have a feeling that his standards are pretty common among Sox fans. Here are his  standards: I hold my ballplayers to the following [...]

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