Official Power Lunch of the Boston Red Sox

Before the start of the season, John Lackey said he’s always happy to sit down and “have a beer with a guy.” So I’m hoping that last night, after the Sox closed out a 9-4 win over the Oakland A’s, Big John had the common decency to take the whole team across the street to the Cask and set ‘em up.

Because after he spotted the A’s a good four run lead through the first five, his teammates came through for him like the goddam Howling Commandos, plating nine runs over the last four frames on the strength of five hits from Vic Martinez and three from Adrian Beltre, the patron saint of balls-out play. We had 14 hits in all, adding to the embarrassment of riches from a line-up I swore would turn to wood on Opening Day.

That was good enough to secure Lackey the win, but, more importantly, it pushed us just a measly half-game away from the seemingly unattainable joys of third place in the East. If the Toronto clubhouse contains an emergency manual for how to deal with a rampaging Youk, now would be a good time to break the glass on that f$%ker.

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