See him? Up there in the yellow shirt?

Dude? Are you serious?

You get sweet seats to a game between heated AL East rivals and you spend the entire time fine-tuning the PowerPoint presentation for tomorrow’s big meeting? Or, even worse, ordering flat-front khakis off the Land’s End website?

As a perpetually-broke denizen of the cheap seats (or, more often, the seats in front of the TV in my candlelit hovel), I frequently look with disdain upon those folks seated right behind the plate who spend the night fiddling with their iPhones or waving incessantly to the cameras. But seeing you working the laptop damn near pushed me over the edge.

You see, when you’re at the ballgame, you focus on the ballgame. You scream at the ump, you razz the opposing batters, you give your pitcher shit when he earns it and you scream bloody murder when someone charges the mound. This ain’t like the public library, gramps, where you just sit down and mellow out and start working the spreadsheets. Your hands are for holding beer and hotdogs and your eyes should be fixed squarely on everything going down on the field in front of you. That’s that big patch of green, just so you know.

The only time a laptop should be employed during game time is if you’re downloading Swedish porn or sending salacious emails to Heidi Watney.

Otherwise, honestly, just leave it in your f#$kin’ car.

PS: If you were there on some special assignment for Major League Baseball or the government or you were Matt Garza’s dad trying to videocast the whole bloody game for his sick Aunt who couldn’t make it, I apologize. But still.