Dude, I know you’ve got some Texas-sized anger inside of you. I’ve seen it come out on the Fenway mound, when you were wearing an Angel’s uni and we were kicking your ass all over the place.
But now you’re with us, so I need you to channel that anger into stopping the Rays from getting anything going tonight. Maybe you’ll need to take out a batter or two; no worries. Like the great Thomas Jefferson once said, “Sometimes a punk needs to be knocked on his ass.” I don’t need to read between the lines to see “Carl Crawford” hidden in those prophetic words.
We’ve come a long way in just a week, but — and I hate to be the one to tell you this — the jury’s still kinda out on you. So we’re gonna need you to come up extra super f$%king huge tonight. Vanquish the enemy, send them running back to the clubhouse clutching their nuts, and help us do unto the Rays in their house what they did unto us at our house last month.
Let’s sweep those smug motherfu%^ers!