Because it’s becoming increasingly obvious that unless he gets kidnapped by Mexican robots or slips and falls into a time vortex, Commander Kick Ass of the F#$k Yeah Brigade is going to be the Sox’ Opening Day starter — front and center, lights shining, guns blazing, blood sufficiently diluted with whiskey — against the World Series Chumps from New York.

Today, Beckett put in another stellar grapefruit appearance against the Pirates, which is kinda like beating up on a small group of aliens made out of cake. But, still, the man retired seven straight at one point, struck out nine through five innings, and gave up just one run.

Of course, nothing’s official just yet. But Beckett knows the score:

“That’s Tito’s deal,” Beckett said in reference to manager Terry Francona. “I’m sure they’ve got an idea.”

Indeed. And we’ll you April 4, Commander.