As you may or may not have heard, Youk is giving us, the unwashed masses, a chance to select his facial hairstyle of choice for Opening Day 2010. You make a donation to his Youk’s Kids charity, you get a chance to vote.
This is, of course, great news for fans of baseball, worthy causes and Youk’s short-lived Fu-Manchu. Because the Fu is among the hairstyle options from which voters can select, along with the full hillbilly and the goatee. Unfortunately, “clean-shaven” is an option as well. Even more unsettling is that as of this writing, it’s ahead by a good 14% of the votes, which, we can only assume, have come from Youk’s great aunts.
Seriously, nobody wins with a clean-shaven Youk. Check the photo above. See that guy? That’s the guy who might shiv your catcher if your pitch runs a bit inside. That’s the guy who tries to fit a sub roll around the opposing first-baseman’s leg after hustling out an infield single. That’s the guy who keeps an emergency stash of beef jerky in his uniform pants. That’s the guy who gets fired up for his at-bats by punching himself in the nuts and swigging from a bottle labeled “XXX.” In other words, that’s the guy you want on your team when you’re looking for a little extra intimidation and that all important “edge” on he field.
Of course, if clean-shaven wins out, then we’ll have this guy hunched at first on Opening Day:
That’s not the guy who’s gonna strike fear in the hearts of opposing pitchers. That’s the guy who packs your groceries at Shaw’s. That’s the guy who passes the collection basket at Sunday mass and sometimes joins the choir for a heart-wrenching rendition of “Ave Maria.” That’s the guy who checks out Superstars On Ice because he wants to see “what that Scott Hamilton fellow is up to.”
Not that there’s anything wrong with that guy. I just don’t want him taking the field for us on Sunday, April 4 against the Yankees.
Help pony up the dough, folks. Together we can.