For far too long, our country has been under the thumb of our Canadian oppressors, sitting back and just taking it while they defile our country with their hockey and their Degrassi and Rush’s “By-Tor and the Snow Dog.” Even as we speak, Jason Bay, crafty minion of the Canucks, is holding our feet to the fire.

So it’s nice to see that Theo’s doing his part to stick it to The Great White North, looking to emancipate some of their hardiest talent. If you believe everything you read–and during the Hot Stove season, who doesn’t?–then it would appear that the Sox are once again kicking the tires on Jays shortstop Marco Scutaro, whose name is one of the longest-running gags in the history of our comments section.

More significantly, the NY Daily News tells us the Sox are “putting on a full court press” to liberate Harry Leroy Halladay from Toronto’s icy clutches. But it’ll cost us, of course:

To land Halladay, Boston would likely have to give up Clay Buchholz, the organization’s top young pitcher, as well as Casey Kelly, the pitcher/shortstop who signed with the Red Sox in 2008 after being recruited by Tennessee to play quarterback. Red Sox GM Theo Epstein is said to be smitten with Kelly, which could be a sticking point in talks with Toronto if Jays GM Alex Anthopoulos insists on the 20-year-old being included in a deal.

Don’t get me wrong; a Lester/Halladay/Beckett/Matsuzaka rotation would be better than a forest of porno DVD-bearing trees, but unless they can each get on base and drive in runs, they won’t help us address one of our biggest problems from last season. If we gotta lay down the chips, I’d rather see us use them for Adrian Gonzalez. Or a forest of porno DVD-bearing trees.