I have nothing but respect for the man called Varitek, especially since he may be privvy to what Heidi Watney’s arse looks like sans pants.

But that photo above of Tek with bat in hand inspires nothing but pure horror in me. Because there was no one who sunk our hearts when he stepped to the plate quite like the Cap’n of late. Need someone to kill a rally? Tek’s your man, man, and it pained me to watch him drop further into oblivion with each at bat.

Regardless of what I thought of the man, he still has that certain je ne sais quoi. Maybe it’s his presence in the clubhouse, his willingness to throwdown for the cause, or that voice which seems just a few octaves too high for his Brutus-like body. The front office certainly sees it, because they didn’t have him whacked before he could exercise his option to return for another year. And not, like, to park cars and shit — he’ll actually be playing! Although in a decidedly limited role.

Whatever the reason, even though a good chunk of the guy’s skill set seems to have left the building, I wasn’t quite ready to say goodbye to the Captain. So I get to have him around another year but don’t have to watch him pop out/strike out/GIDP as much. I guess that’s a win-win.

UPDATE FROM THE “WE LOVE IRONY” DEPARTMENT: In the comments, Our Man Q noted that the screencap I posted is the at-bat in which Tek blasted a grand slam off AJ Burnett. So I do have to give JV his props for that.