These are exciting times for you, Jed.


Close to being named GM of the Padres. Living the dream in gorgeous San Diego. That’s just a skip to Coranado Bay, you realize. Where the pretty girls run wild and the kegs are forever tapped.


I’ve packed up a few nice parting gifts for you. A couple extra World Champs rings. Commemorative DVDs. Buchholz and Bowden.

Yeah. What?

Buchholz and Bowden. You take them, you send us Adrian Gonzalez. Remember? We talked about this.

Eh. I thought you were joking.

That’s unfortunate. Because I thought we had a deal.

Look, I love this organization and what it’s done for me. What you’ve done for me. But as GM of the Padres, I’ve got to do what’s best for my team. That probably means not giving away our best player for one pitcher who gave us a good half-season and another whose best work is on paper.

Great groundball/flyball ratio, though. Gotta love that.

Yes, it’s all wonderful, but… it’s gonna take a little more to get Adrian.

In that case. I also got you this to remember us by. It’s a framed photo from my bachelor party? Remember that night?

Christ, I had thirty-two black and tans. I was… ::examines photograph:: Jesus.

Now when I first realized I had a picture of my assistant GM being pleasured by a guy dressed up as a clown, my first impulse was, maybe his family would wanna see it. But I figure, it’s best kept our little secret. A little secret that I may or may not have sixteen more copies of.

That guy in the clown suit…

Julian Tavarez, of course.

Uh. So. Should I just take Clay and Mike with me now or…

Lemme sleep on it. I may just wanna go Reddick-for-Gonzalez, straight up.