Look, I’m as anxious as anyone to clinch the wild card, put the big guns to bed, and roll Double-A style for the remainder of the regular season. So, please, let’s just end it. Tonight. And I know that means relying on the Angels to take out the Rangers, but so be it. I’m calling on the twin mojo of Amalie Benjamin and Heidi Watney — two women who have been the chocolate Oreo cookies to my Double Stuff in many a fevered dream — to bring down the hammer, help us collect the win, and send Texas to their final rest.
Bring on the Coors box hats and Dropkick Murphys and champagne-stung eyes. I wanna close this chapter and get ready for the next.
Toronto, yer goin’ down. End of story.
"SURVIVING GRADY is Red Sox Nation's 'Mystery Science Theater 3000.' Brilliant, irreverent, and merciless." -- Stewart O'Nan, author, 
