I hate going out on a limb and making predictions, especially when Brad Penny, the Steven Seagal of pro baseball, is on the hill against a stocked Yankees line-up. But I look to the return of the RemDawg as the harbinger: the Sox have no choice but to roll. Roll over those high-paid mercenary types; those heartless dinks who feel that entitlement comes with the pinstripes. I’m here to say it doesn’t, you backwards-ass f@#ks. Because we’ve gut spunk. And gusto. And more heart and piss and fire and napalm in Dustin Pedroia’s shin guards than you’ve got in your entire goddam team. Throw Pettitte at us, that meat-loving, steroid-popping doofus. Give us yer A-Rod, yer “Jeets,” your Ghost of Thurman Munson. As the great Morgan Freeman said in The Shawshank Redemption, I just don’t give a shit.
And if the Sox needed any clubhouse bulletin board inspiration, here it is:
Here’s tonight’s theme song, courtesy of Spinal Tap and a shitload of Legos. And, yes, it’s true that the good folks at Lego wouldn’t allow Tap to include this clip on their upcoming DVD. Something about the line, “You’re too young and I’m too well-hung/but tonight I’m gonna rock you.” And probably the reference to baby teeth.
Game on, folks. Grab yer beer and yer chips and yer Space Food Sticks. Oh and f@#k Giambi.