Headwarmer: Congratulations. And I pray to god you’re not talking about your worthless pecker.
Cashman: I’m talking about the switch on the printing press, Headwarmer. The World Series tickets are being produced as we speak.
Headwarmer: Good to see you’re not jumping the gun.
Cashman: We’ve won seven in a row, Headwarmer. The Red Sox are in desperation mode. We’re firing on all cylinders, they’re dropping like flies from a bug zapper. We’re quietly working on Roy Halladay while they’ve added… who’s that guy again? Adam something from the Pirates? It’s a laugher.
Headwarmer: So from your lofty perch, the race is over.
Cashman: Over? Headwarmer, the East is signed, sealed and delivered.
Headwarmer: And… that’s why all these tents are here?
Cashman: We’re in full celebratory mode now that we’re in first place. I figured we could kick back and have a little fun with some music and food.
Headwarmer: Woah, buddy. We’re just three days in first place.
Cashman: And you think we’re dropping out? The Sox have stopped hitting, end of story. The Papi android we’ve inserted onto the team has not only trashed Ortiz’s good name, it’s also brought the whole team down. A year ago, Jason Bay was the second coming of Teddy Ballgame. Now the guy can’t find his ass with both hands.
Headwarmer: It could be just a swoon, Turkey Tits. Every team has ‘em. If the past nine years are any indication, we should be hitting ours around October.
Cashman: Don’t you read the Post? It’s like 1998 all over again. All of a sudden, we’re the best team in the American League. It’s the return to glory, Headwarmer. You’re either on the train, or you’re getting crushed by it.
Headwarmer: I see.
Cashman: Manny took all the Sox’ hits with him to L.A. Now they’re roadkill.
Headwarmer: Roadkill that we haven’t beaten once this season.
Cashman: Irrelevant. They’re in the rear view mirror now. We don’t look back, we look forward.
Headwarmer: And hey, I notice we’ve got six games with Boston coming up in August. It’d be a shame to not win at least one of those.
Cashman: It doesn’t really matter now, does it? We’re going to the World Series regardless. I mean, look. I’ve got the tickets right here.
Headwarmer: I guess that settles it.
Cashman: Well, time to kick this party up a notch. Have you seen my Oak Ridge Boys CDs?
Headwarmer: I accidentally put them in a trashcan. That was on fire.
Cashman: You really know how to bring a guy down, Headwarmer.
Headwarmer: Just think of me as your 100% cotton, weatherproof dose of reality.