That’s right, fruity, the only way the Red Sox should ever lose to the Rangers is if Chuck Norris plays for them. But he doesn’t. Sixty-three year old Omar Vizquel and Nelson “they call me” Cruz do. And Vicente Padilla…did you know Padilla is Spanish for “a small frying pan”…which has nothing to do with anything, really. It should be translated to “he who puts his cleat up the arse of the Red Sox” the way he shut down the bats. Four hits, count ’em, four. Even my pal Stumpy who lost his middle finger in an electric can-opener tragedy can count the Sox hits on one hand. If not for Mark Kotsay (Spanish for “crusher of small frying pans”) and a Kinsler error, this could very well have been a shutout. Not that the Sox did themselves any favors with three runners thrown out on the bases.

Meanwhile, the Yanks were putting together yet another late-inning rally to come from behind and steal another win. Granted it was only the lowly Rays they beat, but it was enough to swipe first place from our slippery clutches.

And now the dreaded “off day after a loss” tomorrow. A full, uninterrupted day of “is Ortiz done” talk with a sprinkling of “Dice-K isn’t worth a hundred million dollars” chit-chat and thousands of retarded trade rumors. Speaking of Ortiz, he’s 6-21 in the past five games with two doubles, a homer and four RBI. Could it be?