The Big Sox Machine keeps rolling, flattening all who dare cross its path. And just like Mongo in Blazing Saddles, when you shoot them, you only make them mad. Case in point: Brad Penny takes a wicked line-drive off the chest last night, but just shakes it off, like Superman carelessly waving away an intercontinental ballistic missile, to collect his 100th career win. And we would expect nothing less from a guy who’s made it with Eliza Dushku. Hell, I’ve had her only in my mind and I swear it’s helped me ward off the Swine Flu for the past several months.

Meanwhile, Pedroia goes 3-for-5 to ward off talk of a slump, Ortiz gets a double and everyone’s favorite Rhode Islander, Rocco Baldelli, grabbed two hits of his own. As if that wasn’t enough, to celebrate the Sox’ 500th consecutive sell-out, there were giveaways like you dream about, including tape measures, books, and other stuff that was apparently cluttering up John Henry’s warehouse space across the eastern seaboard. However, there was no truth to the rumor that Heidi Watney and Tom Caron were administering celebratory lap dances to select lucky fans; that’s on hold until the 600th sell-out.

And, as if our hearts could hold any more awesome, the Yanks lost, putting the Sox up by three games in the East.

So here we are. Best record in the American League. The bottom rung (if you will) of our rotation is making it happen, with Brad Penny at 6-2 and Timmeh at 9-3, and none other than Johnny Smoltz is waiting in the wings.

These are happy times, people. Let’s see those smiles.

Also, grossest name in the majors? Without a doubt, it’s “Ross Gload.”