Folks, I love the Red Sox like Roger Ebert loves some hot cupcake-on-cupcake action. But the photo above, from, is just about the creepiest thing I’ve seen in my lifetime.

Check the patented “Morning at the Methadone Clinic” glaze on Youk’s mug. And the terrifying, Joker-esque grin on Lowrie. And Lowell’s goatee, which looks slightly askew, as if trimmed during a whiskey bender. And Drew’s goatee, which doesn’t so much look like a goatee as the remnants of a morning spent snorting lines of Tang. And then there’s Bay, who has never looked more untannable. Honestly, it looks like a group better suited for the wall of the Post Office than the starting line-up of an All-Star team.

But, yeah, I’m voting for every last one of these glorious bastards. And hoping that next year, they get Kelly to take their team photos.