I could waste some of your valuable time talking about Jon Lester’s struggles or whether or not Papi’s found a home in the six hole (not to be confused with that thing Doug Mirabelli got arrested for back in the day). But this morning, I just ask that you join me to bask in the glory of the single greatest baseball-related commercial ever made:

That right there? That’s the motherflippin’ Citizen Kane of baseball-related commercials. In fact, if I owned Anheuser-Busch (and, based on my unmatched consumption of their fine products, I might actually have a piece of the action coming to me), I would have simply closed up the advertising department after this chunk of awesome was forged, and said, “Well, that’s it. Until the Earth gets taken out by winged creatures or a massive asteroid, this is the only way we’re gonna market Bud Light to the masses.” On the downside, the success of this clip can be blamed for ther abomination that was “Mr. Belvedere,” but I won’t get bogged down in the details. Suffice it to say that this is the greatest of all baseball-themed commercials. And I’m still waiting for some genius to pitch a “Youk and Ueck” commercial for today’s generation.

Of course, if there was one other baseball-themed commercial that could come even remotely close to generating the amount of awesome that the Ueck clip does, it would have to be this:

But I gotta give props to Ueck. In the catchphrase department, “Must be in the front row” bests “Chicks dig the long ball” every time.