So, having been kicked out of every other bar in town, I found myself strolling into a 99 Restaurant the other day, and saw a sign on the door proudly proclaiming that the 99 is, in fact, “The Official Family Restaurant of the Boston Red Sox.” Just a few days earlier, while fetching one of my kids a Hoodsie cup, I saw that Hoodsies have also achieved lofty “official” status, being the “Official Ice Cream of the Boston Red Sox.” So it got me thinking. Am I, as a fan, doing enough to live the “official” Red Sox lifestyle? And could I go through an entire day utilizing only those officially sanctioned-by-the-Red-Sox products?

I’m happy to report that I’m almost there. I spend most of my free time sleeping on a couch procured through Jordan’s Furniture, the Official Furniture Store of the Boston Red Sox (“Julian Tavarez buys all his bedding and harnesses here” would have been a great Sunday-circular headline, IMO.). I’m often found drunk in local alleys in my Schilling jersey from Bob’s Stores, the Official Apparel Store of the Boston Red Sox. And this blog gets typed up on a desk brought to me through the good folks at W.B. Mason, Official Office Supplies Supplier to the Boston Red Sox. If I can round the day out with a couple meals at the 99, getting my blood alcohol content checked by the good docs at Beth Israel (Official Hospital of the Boston Red Sox), taking a business trip on The Official Airline of the Boston Red Sox, snapping some photos for this silly-ass blog with my Nikon (Official Camera of the Boston Red Sox), making some hefty withdrawals from the Official Bank of the Boston Red Sox, experiencing only music that is channeled to me via products bought through the Red Sox’ Official Sound Partner, and limiting my noshing to Official Snack Foods of the Boston Red Sox, then I could do it even better.

In the meantime, we’re a mere 24 hours away from the biggest religious holiday on my calendar. See you there.