Why are you packing? We’re on a homestand.
I think I’m gonna stay with the Papelbons for a couple days.
Dude? You’re leaving the apartment?
Just until next week.
Is it because of what I did to your protein powder? That was just a joke. And anyway, we all know that ostrich pubes are biodegradable.
Actually, it’s those death threats, man. The people from your home town are so pissed they want to kill you. That doesn’t bring me comfort as I’m sleeping one door down from you.
Aw, they’re harmless. Where I come from, they’ve got, like, seven people on town payroll whose job it is to whack visitors on the head with pliers as they cross the town line. Violence is like a form of greeting!
Still, I’m gonna hold up somewhere else until this blows over.
::knock at the door::
Christ, get down. That’s probably someone with a rifle.
Are you nuts? ::opens door:: Look, it’s just our old pal Curt Leskanic!
‘SUP! I WAS JUST IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD AND HAVE BEEN SNORTING TANG ALL MORNING AND I FIGGERED WELL NOW THAT I’M ALL HOPPED UP ON VITAMIN C, WHAT BETTER WAY TO CHILL THAN SOME SERIOUS GAMING WITH MY FRIENDS, ELLSBURY AND PEDROIA.
I… I notice you’re carrying a guitar case.
YUP. IT’S MY GUITAR CASE AND WITHIN IT, I HAVE SOMETHING VERY, VERY SPECIAL FOR YOU BOYS.
This is it! Hit the floor!
::jumps to floor, arms over his head::
MY BUDDY OLAF HOOKED ME UP WITH A BAND SPANKIN’ NEW VIDEO GAME. NOT EVEN AVAILABLE IN STORES YET.
::examines video game box:: “Fife Hero”?
INDEED. AND IT COMES WITH TWO WIRELESS FIFES WHICH SHOULD PROVIDE US WITH HOURS OF FUN. AT LEAST UNTIL THE COCAINE RUNS OUT. I MEAN TANG, OF COURSE. BECAUSE COCAINE IS FOR THE WEAK AND UNREFINED, AS YOU’LL RECALL FROM THAT EPISODE OF “HAPPY DAYS” IN WHICH FONZ SCHOOLED A JUNKIE.
Leskanic, you crazy sunvabitch. It’s always good to see you.
EXCELLENT. I’LL JUST LEAVE MY PANTS HERE AND GO SET UP THE GAME.
Anytime you wanna get up off the floor, princess.
Hey, it’s been a stressful time for me. Maybe having your life threatened is an every day thing for you, but it’s really got me on edge.
Look, if it makes you feel any better, I asked the cops to put a detail outside, just in case.
Yup. Trust me, roomie. Nobody dangerous is getting anywhere near this building.
::reading Kohl’s flyer:: You got your eyes on the front door, right?
If by “you’ve got your eyes on the front door” you mean “watching porn on my iPod and eating a Big Mac,” then, yeah.