Look, we could go on for hours–and if you switch on EEI, they probably are–about how the Sox are floundering out of the gate. Lifeless. Punchless. Gutless. Gameless. My pre-2004 soul might be looking for a puppy to kick, and plastering “Papi’s done” posters all over the Fens. But the post-2004 guy? He’s just sitting back, looking at the calendar, and reminding himself that there’s still plenty of time for these guys to flip the switch. Although I might be serious about the posters thing.
In the meantime, I’m just looking for a diversion. So here it is: BEST. OPENING. LYRICS. EVER.
“I went home with a waitress. The way I always do.”
“Lawyers, Guns and Money” – Warren Zevon
“I want to run. I want to hide. I want to tear down the walls that hold me inside.”
“Where the Streets Have No Name” — U2
“They hung a sign up in our town: If you live it up you won’t live it down.”
“Hold On” – Tom Waits
“The case was pulled from under the bed. She made a call to a sympathetic friend who made arrangements.”
“Another Nail for My Heart” – Squeeze
“Watch an eyeball take a freefall at the mention of a name.”
“Soda Jerk” – Buffalo Tom
“Well, I shuffled through the city on the 4th of July, I had a firecracker waiting to blow.”
“New York, New York” – Ryan Adams
“The sun struggles up another beautiful day. And I felt glad in my own suspicious way.”
“The Other Side of Summer” – Elvis Costello
“Rambling, where to begin? I tasted summer on your peppery skin.”
“Summersong” – The Decemberists
“If you think that a kiss is all in the lips, come on, you got it all wrong, man.”
“The Denial Twist” – White Stripes
“Mama told me, yeah she told me, I’d meet girls like you. She also told me stay away, you never know what you’ll catch.”
“Surrender” – Cheap Trick
“It’s been a hard day’s night. And I’ve been working like a dog.”
“A Hard Day’s Night” – The Beatles
“I can’t believe that life’s so complex. When I just want to sit here and watch you undress.”
“This is Love” – PJ Harvey
“Monday I was trying to get my freak on with a couple twins from Washington DC. One of them wore the American flag, the other sang ‘Land of the Free’.”
“Semi-Interesting Week” – Was (Not Was)
“Well I don’t care about history. Cause that’s not where I wanna be.”
“Rock ‘n’ Roll High School” – The Ramones
I encourage your active participation in the comments. Or you can just say “Papi’s done.”
*Actually, I stole this idea from the luscious Kay Hanley. So there you go.
"SURVIVING GRADY is Red Sox Nation's 'Mystery Science Theater 3000.' Brilliant, irreverent, and merciless." -- Stewart O'Nan, author, 
