Dustin Pedroia–wondrously described in a recent Herald article as “short,” “pre-mature bald” and “cocksure”–is gunning for yet another milestone this season. He wants to play all 162 games.

“I want to play every game and make sure I’m not tired throughout the year,” Pedroia said. “I think if you condition your body the right way, you can do that. It’s a long season, but if you take care of your body, you can play them all. It’s a big part of what I’m trying to do, is be consistent every day and help this team win games.”

Thing is, that sort of dedication doesn’t typically sit well with a manager who’s responsible for keeping the troops fresh and healthy for that all-important post-season drive. And that seems to echo in Tito’s priceless response:

“162 what, cribbage games?”

Speaking of cribbage, the aforementioned Herald piece notes the epic battle that evolves whenever Pedroia and the manager hit the cards. As Ortiz explains:

“Let’s say they sit down in a restaurant or in a plaza outside to play cards. You believe two seconds later they’re about to fight. They’re about to punch each other. It’s so funny. It’s ridiculous how they talk to each other.”

Again, NESN, I must ask: You seriously have no time on that schedule of yours for a Teets-Elf sitcom?