As I understand it, the one on the far left will be for home games, second from left is a sort of “St. Patrick’s Day”-“Mother’s Day” commemorative mash-up, and the second from the right is for away games. The one on the far right, of course, is just for Jonathan Papelbon. I’d always felt that while his swagger and dead-eye stare are impressive, what he was really missing was a cape. Thankfully, this new uni addresses that, while re-introducing the codpiece, which has not been seen in Major League Baseball since Chuck Rainey’s attempt to popularize them in the late ’80s.

So the uniform thing is finally settled. Now let’s get back to that Teixeira business.