Random thoughts before I drive the hookers home:

1) Call it the Attack of Former Red Sox Managers. During last week’s ALCS, Walpole Joe Morgan was trying to sell me vinyl siding (or something… I was too drunk to notice) during the commercial breaks. Last night, it was Jimy “Leave the extra ‘M’ off for ‘Massive’” Williams back in my life, his hangdog mug patrolling the Phillies’ bench. I get so caught up in Tito and Grady, it’s sometimes hard to believe that the J-Man was Manny’s first manager in Boston, and running the show during Tek’s first full-time season behind the plate. He was also a big Creighton Gubanich fan. As if you weren’t.

2) Is it just me, or does that spooky albino astrophysicist from the Panasonic commercials that have been running ad infinitum during the playoffs look a lot like the dude who played Val Kilmer’s nemesis in Real Genius.


3) Last year, I was asked to participate in ESPN’s “Face of the Franchise” project, alongside Amalie Benjamin, Jayson Stark, and the dude who played “Mr. McGee” on The Incredible Hulk. I chose Tim Wakefield, and caught some serious flak for it. But I stand by it, if for no other reason than he’s been the club’s true knockaround guy, always ready to take one for the team, get dropped from postseason rosters and accept the blame when he unravels, as he did in game four of the ALCS. Yes, I cursed his name to the heavens after he collapsed in one of his biggest starts in some time. But for a mere $4 million–and, yes, it’s sick that in these economic times one can turn a phrase like that–he’s a bargain and a number 5 guy who could give us 12 wins. Plus–he’s Timmeh, for christ’s sake.

4) The Phillies are three more wins away from ending all this Tampa Bay foolishness once and for all. I remember rooting for them against the Blue Jays in 1993, when their team featured Lenny Dykstra, John Kruk and Curt Schilling, because it meant rooting for America. But the Jays, of course, had Mike Timlin and Joe Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine. You just can’t f@#k with those odds.

5) You tell me. Is Mark Teixeira worth the money? Especially once the Yankees push the asking price into the stratosphere? Without Manny’s bat, without Lowell and without a full-power Papi we made it to game seven of the ALCS. If Lowell and Ortiz bounce back–and I don’t think those are big ifs–a line-up with those two, Bay, Drew, He Whose Beard Scares Children and the Elf will still pack a lot of punch. I honestly don’t understand the love affair with Matt Holliday, and certainly wouldn’t move Bay to land him. But I’m also a drunk.

6) For those of you who haven’t had your full day’s supply of Bellhorn vs. Tavarez, consider this breakfast: