— 2004: The Lost Footage: Throughout the 2004 playoffs and post-championship pomp, you guys pretty much videotaped every move the team made, 24/7. You telling me there’s no footage of a pantsless Dave McCarty strolling through the drive-through of the Dunkin’ Donuts across from the Stockyard in Allston? Or Derek Lowe stumbling up Comm Ave asking BU freshman chicks if they want to “hold the rosin bag”? Don’t keep all this goodness locked up in some closet in Brookline. Roll it on out.
— “Your Testicles: Routine Care and Maintenance with DeMarlo Hale.”
— Three solid hours of Amalie Benjamin and Heidi Watney just sitting there holding microphones. Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink.
— Tom Caron: Live from the Fenway Men’s Room.
— The bluegrass stylings of Terry Francona.
— Some other game in which Josh Beckett shows the fire and brimstone and piss and vinegar and fireworks and gunplay and hookers and ‘splosions that defined his 2007 season. F@#k, I’d even take one in which he knocks somebody down, sticks a microphone up an interviewer’s ass or sets the dugout on fire to achieve his post-disaster zen.
On another note, today, August 18, is my birthday.
Although I’d originally hoped to have Heidi and Amalie over for a popsicle eating contest this afternoon, they conveniently “forgot” to respond to my invitation. Although their lawyer sent his regards.
I’ll be drunk starting now. But do hang around for later posts and whatnot. Also, if you’re feeling sporty, be our friend.