Would you want to be beaten by this guy?

Last night, surfer-dude and Spicoli-wannabe Jared Weaver held the Red Sox down long enough for the bats to get to Dice-K. Tonight, John Lackey ambles to the mound to try to do the same. Every time I see this guy, all I can think is that if God hadn’t given him the ability to throw a baseball, he’s be plowing the back-forty somewhere in Abilene, Texas, changing oil at the local Jiffy Lube down there, or auditioning for the role of Jethro Bodine in the off-Broadway production of Beverly Hillbillies: The Musical.

Seriously, a team loses to Red Sox pitchers and they can still look in the mirror and feel good about themselves. Josh Beckett has the “I’d just as soon kill you as pitch to you” look about him that makes getting a hit off of him a little scary. Dice-K has the mysterious Japanese aura and the mystical Gyro ball to keep hitters guessing. Tim Wakefield is the portrait of the “wily veteran” and there is no shame in being fooled by him or his knuckleball. And Jon Lester survived cancer for Chrissakes, so why should mere hitters be able to beat him?

But Weaver and Lackey? No pride in losing to those guys. The Sox were one clutch hit away from stealing last night’s game, leaving more runners on base than…than…I got nothing. But they left a lot of them.

Double-digit runs off Mr. Hee Haw tonight. Score early. Score often.

Oh, and this just in: Looks like the Angels went and got themselves a Teixeira.