The first thing that greeted me Sunday morning–that is, after the blistering hangover and phone call from the woman who located my wallet and pants–was an advertisement for B&M Baked Beans that slipped out of my Sunday Globe as I opened it up on the kitchen counter. Staring at back at me was a creepier-than-usual Youk, shilling for B&M in a surreal print ad that was apparently conceived to target the hillbilly demographic. I shuddered, slipped the ad back inside the paper, and got back to my Red Bull and Cookie Crisp.
About ten hours later, Youk was all up in my grill again, but this time he was cockpunching the St. Louis Cardinals, putting the exclamation point on a grueling marathon of a game with a walk-off home run in the thirteenth inning.
It was one of those extra-innings affairs in which there are so many chances blown and opportunities shot that I almost found myself hoping the Sox would drop the game, if for no other reason than to teach them a lesson. Especially after the murderously awful bottom of the eleventh, which featured Tek grounding out weakly with two men on, and Cora looking like a guy whose brain was orbiting Saturn when he whiffed ugly with the bases loaded shortly thereafter.
They’re gonna drop this one, I figured. Just let it happen already so I can get back to my beer and my tryptophan.
But everything changed in the top of the thirteenth. When it looked for sure that the Cards would plate the go-ahead run, Drew unleashed a majestic hurl to the plate, where Tek snuffed out Chris Duncan with a defensive block that would’ve made Bear Bryant proud. At that point, the Sox had to win the game. No, at that point, they were gonna win the game. And, god help us, Youk–clearly powered by B&M Baked Beans–delivered, lacing one to the Monster seats so we could all go home happy. And well-saturated.
It was a big, messy epic. But it ended with a Red Sox win, and a celebration around home plate. And I’ll take those any day.
Also, RIP George Carlin. If you have to ask if this clip is safe for work, you don’t know George.