If someone tapped me on the shoulder back in February and said that Mikey “Scenic” Lowell wouldn’t have his first home run of the 2008 campaign until May 5, I would have immediately written us off as this year’s AL East bottom feeders. Because I’m impulsive like that, goddam it.

But here we are, tied for the best record in the American League, and winners of four in a row after last night’s handling of the Detroit Tigers. Not the prettiest pitched game we’ve ever seen, though. Sox pitchers combined to give up 10 freakin’ walks in this one, and Craig Hansen — who surrendered two hits and two walks and two earned runs in one and two-thirds innings — reminded us all why he’s been relegated to “use only when everyone else is sick or dead” status.

One thing that still bothers me, though, is that Jonathan Papelbon’s entrances into games just aren’t ballsy or theatrical enough. Personally, I think the guy should be driven from the bullpen to the mound in a zig-zagging black Caddy, then thrown from the backseat onto the infield grass as the car pulls a quick u-turn. Sure, there’s the risk of injury to the star closer, but as I see it, every guy on the team is already tempting the fates by standing near Youkilis’ jock straps without protective radiation-proof gear. So I guess it all evens out.