Let’s say you could watch a game at Fenway sitting next to anybody. Living or dead. Real or fictional. Your Uncle Billy or f@#king R2-D2. Mick Jagger or Ron LeFlore. Cornelius from Planet of the Apes or Howie Carr.
Who would you pick?
Myself, I’ve got to go with Dad. Because no matter how old you really are, when you sit down next to your father to watch a ballgame at Fenway Park, you’re instantly twelve years old, fumbling and starry-eyed in the face of all that green grass and blue sky and Dennis Eckersley moustache, and convinced that all is right in the world. Because it is.
Of course, I’d have nothing against sitting next to Leeann Tweeden (because I’m certain there’s at least one story involving her, Commander Kick Ass and an inflatable sheep that I could wangle out of her with a few beers), Matt Damon (I figger that after he kindly rejects the advances of every woman in his section, they may wish to reaffirm their hotness by snogging a pale, goofy, perpetually-inebriated blogger), or between John Cleese and Michael Palin (to ask them, between innings of course, just how the f@#k they came up with the brilliance that is the Argument Clinic sketch).
How about you? Who would you most enjoy sitting next to for a game at Fenway?
Don’t want to tell me, eh? Well perhaps I can sweeten the deal.
See what I’ve got in my grubby little mitts? It’s a copy of MLB’s newest DVD release, Essential Games of Fenway Park. It’s six motherflippin’ DVDs packed with the following complete games as played in the King of Ballparks:
— September 30, 1967 when the Sox beat the Twins to pull ahead in the AL pennant race.
— Game 6 of the 75 World Series, AKA “Carlton Fisk Will Be Kicking Your Ass Now”
— Clemens’ 20-K jobber against the Mariners
— the 1999 All Star Game in which Pedro basically embarassed anyone who bothered to step up to the plate against him
— Game 3 of the ’99 ALCS, AKA Pedro vs. Rocket (spoiler: Rocket doesn’t win)
— Last year’s “four home runs in a row against the Yankees” game
In addition to all that goodness, this set also has the last innings of DLowe and Buchholz’s no-nos, the Teddy Ballgame-makes-us-cry sequence from the ’99 All Star Game, Billy Mueller’s walk-off against Mo Rivera after “L’affiare du glove,” the Sox’ clinch of the ’86 pennant, Tom Brunanasky’s diving catch to clinch the ’90 East, Yaz’ 300th hit and 400th home run, The Steal and Papi’s 2004 postseason walk-offs.
In short, it’s over 16 hours of steaming hot Red Sox action. Still in the shrink-wrap and brand-spankin’ new.
And we want to give it away. So here’s the deal: Tell us, if you could pick from absolutely anybody, who you’d want to sit next to for a game at Fenway, and why. We’ll pull the five coolest, most creative or just plain awesome responses (in our humble opinion, that is) and post ’em here on Friday for everyone to vote on. Whoever’s response gets the most votes gets the DVD.
Since HaloSpawn can be an unpredictable, comment-eating f@#ker, please don’t leave your entries in the comments. We’ll only accept entries sent by e-mail to soxfiend2004[AT]comcast[DOT]net. And entries will have to be received by 11:59pm ET tonight.
Our only guidelines: You can’t say Hitler. Because seriously, who the f@#k would want to sit next to him at a Red Sox game?
Or Fred Durst, for that matter.