Ortiz is hitting .077. Timlin boasts a 54.00 ERA. The Sox have taken out the basement apartment in the American League East.

And, honestly, I couldn’t be happier.

Because the sun is shining. We’ve got two World Series rings in the bank. And Commander Kick Ass of the F@#k Yeah Brigade is on the hill for us this afternoon. As if that wasn’t an embarassment of riches, one of my favorite bands, the vastly underrated Was (Not Was), just released a new disc. So sit back, open a Sam Adams, and be prepared to drop everything at 3:55. Professor Remy requires your attendance.

Was (Not Was) will play us out: